~My imperfect Life~

Change

2011-11-10T23:33:00.000-08:00

It's been long since I ever came here to express my emotions. I know there're no more readers left, but I'm writing just for a memory.

I'm turning 21st very soon, coming December. I dare not think of my birthday because I know I'll receive no surprises like usual. It doesn't matter.

Officially graduated from Diploma on July, and have been working since then. Permanent part time as an event team leader/coordinator you call that. Been earning decent money, more than I would need, could drive a Honda or Toyota, or sometimes for some months when I have several projects coming together, I could afford BMW. But no, that's not what my parents taught me. I'm driving a Myvi, and pleased with it. And the coolest thing is I do not have to pay for car installments, my parents paid for that, cash term =) We do not have to show the world that we're rich. Keep the money for future use.

2011 has been quite a good year despite loneliness and emptiness that I often feel.

I have achieved my target for this year. (a sense of success)
Thanks God! And of course, thanks to my parents who had been supporting me throughout my college years. If it's not because of them, I'll not have this large amount of saving in bank.

I've 14 days of continuous job, and a project this month and next. Hopefully everything go smooth. I wanna travel a lot next year, broaden my horizon, experience different cultures, taste different food, see more things, know more new friends.... Wondering if I should join flying life as a cabin crew, fly while you travel.
Still deciding......

Late night confession

2011-06-27T10:50:00.000-07:00

Not a post of love confession. But it's hatred.

I got no one to talk to and therefore I should blog about my feelings.

I cannot believe how much this guy A**** mattered to me last time and how much he doesn't matter to me right now.

Well we started somewhere around year 2008 and ended some day in June, dragged until Sep for our official break up. I do not like to mention about my past with him because I simply hate him for cheating me.

But right now, I cannot stand a sight of him. Not because of jealousy. But because when I see him, I see my stupidity.

It all ended with all his lies discovered. As far as I could remember, the separation was kinda painful at first, but the pain faded after some time until our official break up, my heart finally died in Sep during our last day of job for Jaz Beer. And I'm most glad.

The reason why I wanna blog about it is because I think blog is like my diary, it'll always be there until I grow old. When I grow old, I can still review my blog and recall my childhood memories.

Well, let's skip the lies part, too many of them.

Let's talk about after the break up. He deleted me and removed me from Facebook with the reason of "don't wanna see Billy's love posts to me", he says he doesn't feel too comfortable seeing them. Okay fine. No money to pay me back RM700, fine. he said he has got no money, and therefore I said I would wait until he gets a job, pay me back later. No problem.

I have a heart, such a pity 25 year old man. With no stable income.

Even the netbook that I got from streamyx, I gave it for FREE to him and I never thought of taking it back.

Still remembered, my mom gave us a pair of glasses, nice frame, my brother wanted it, but I gave it to him instead of my brother.

Now I regret, when I see him, I see my glasses, I see my netbook, and I see my stupidity.

Today I found out that, he has a girl friend, always go for movies, buy food for the girl, treat the girl with nice food. Well I know, he should get his life, I shouldn't destroy. But, can afford to have a new girl friend does it NOT MEAN the money can be returned to me? Only RM700. I'm like a fool to actually believe everything he said, bout feeling sad seeing billy's posts, about not having a job, no money to eat. and I have a heart on him. And what did I find out today??

Sigh, hopeless.

Remember when I was 11, a fortune teller came to my house for the purpose of getting some money, he told me that when I reached the age of 18, I would get cheated. It's so true. I got cheated at the age of 18, right after my 18th birthday. it's soooo true..................

Life's complicated

2011-06-26T10:41:00.000-07:00

Life's complicated, like what I'm always saying.

Or maybe it's me who complicate life.

I don't know.

Sometimes I think a lot just because I am afraid to make anymore mistakes in my life.

I've made enough of mistakes, and somehow I regret, cuz I can't turn back.

I know that mistakes make us grow, but, after knowing that it's a mistake and you still repeat it, you're just putting yourself in a dead end. Yes I'm talking about myself, not pointing any finger on any of you. It's myself that's problematic.

I'm confused, I know what I want in life, what kinda man I'm yearning for. And yet I always don't choose according to my requirements, I choose outta loneliness, outta greed. I admit, I know that I'm wrong. But I'm just too used to having someone to lean on, I hate to be alone.

Recently I realised that, it's time for me to be strong and be independent, not to depend on anyone but myself. Sometimes a small mistake may haunt you for years, snatch away sweet dreams and good nights. It's not making me happy, it's just a burden, disallowing me to concentrate on my own stuffs.

Right now, I'm again stuffing my nose into a pool of shit. I find no way to extricate. Suffocating. I want to do what I cannot do, hoping to run away from this place, this country, to a better place, meet better people.

I feel burdened and yet part of me isn't letting myself go. I don't know what is right and what is wrong.

I'm tired of getting sleepless nights, maybe being I'm better off being alone.

People won't understand why I like to complicate things.

But you see, when we were young, we talked about love, we talked about I love you, you love me, love was everything that mattered. But as we age, we talk about conditions. What I have and what I'm looking for. It can't be just LOVE alone. Personality, characteristic, background, stability all take into accounts. It's not that I'm complicating stuffs, it's that I'm growing way too fast than girls at my age. I think of what the soon-to-be married ladies think, I act their way. Cuz I wish to settle down my life, even if it's to get married I'm fine with it, as long as I've a man whom I feel secured with, trustworthy, and godly... I will...

I'm just burdened tonight.

HELLO PEOPLE

2011-06-24T01:55:00.000-07:00

Hi, long time no see. Guess what? It's my last subject already!! LAST! on the 5th of July.

LAST, and I hope I pass. This semester with only one subject passed really quick... Just a blink of an eye, it's over. Study break now until the last paper. Then starting from July I will have a lot of exhibitions to handle, hopefully get more projects from other event companies too!! =D

Been thinking a lot of things recently, feel kinda depressed sometimes. I wonder when I become so negative. I hate myself when I spend my whole night thinking of redundant stuffs....Well I guess this is because I'm growing up... and I know I can no longer be a fool. Turning 21st coming December.... I'm quite satisfied with my career and quite surprised with the money I'm earning. But everything never seems to be enough to me, because I always demand for more and more. I can never be contented. Everything that God provides is sufficient but to me I always think it's insufficient.

I guess everything will just be fine if I stop worrying and start living each day as LAST day of my life.

I will try to pursue something new in my life, hopefully I can get it. Then I will have new environment, new friends, everything new new new.....but only if God allows and thinks that it's good for me, I will get it. Or else, I will just be who I am right now.

So wait for me, once I find my life colourful I will always come out posting about life!! My life is just dull right now with nothing much to post! So see ya!!

Happy Chinese New Year

2011-01-26T01:21:00.000-08:00

I'm having my holiday right now! No classes no jobs!! Haha. Happy!!!

Can finally sit in front of the lappie, enjoy music, enjoy air cond. Just do nothing.

I'm supposed to be back to SP today but I delay it. I love my room here in PG so I don't feel like going back so soon!

Just done my 4 weeks job. Next month will have 1 more exhibition. Then final exam.

After final exam, I'm left with only 1 subject for my Diploma. I'll be free to work. I guess I will take up as many exhibitions as possible. Maybe 2-3 exibitions/month to keep myself occupied.

Chinese New Year is coming soon!! Hope I get a lot of ang paos this year because I spent way too much on December and also January. A few thousands just in 2 months.

22.12.2010 ; 1.45am

2010-12-21T09:44:00.001-08:00

Wondering why am I this late? Because I just fetched my mom and siblings home from Christmas carol and I had quite a heavy supper after my MCDs dinner.

And yes, I'm back to SP. Finally get to rest for a few days after my seem-to-be perpetual events and exhibitions. I will be going to KL for 3 days this weekend and the very next day when I'm back I've to continue with my event. 4 weeks of exhibitions to handle.

This!!! is what I'm handling. Stressful and tiring. But definitely learn a lot and apply what I study into practice. I love my life now. I'm happy to get the opportunity to actually step into the outside world to experience working life even before I graduate from my Diploma. Earn pretty good money and most importantly wonderful experience.

From promoter/show girl transformed to what I'm today I feel successful.

Many people still don't know what I'm doing. Basically I work for events. Not only this, but this is one of those events that I work for.

I've just done this last week and thanks to my beloved staff aka friend - Amely for her hardwork.

4 more weeks of this, 2 weeks at the hotel.

So, you should meet me in my hotel room =p

Just kidding....

Anyway I just got my hair straightened. My hair was straight I know. But I hate the frizziness. That's why I went to straighten it again. Got a pretty good deal!! I'm going to colour my hair as well, will make it really bright this time =)

Overspent this month. I guess because it's December!!

I need facial so badly. Pimples are growing all over my forehead and I feel youthful again even after hitting 20!! LOL

I guess that's all for now!!

30.11.2010 ; 01.00

2010-11-29T09:08:00.000-08:00

There's no word to describe my feelings right now.

Blessings are overflowing. More and more good things are coming my way.

I'm done with my finals. And I'm pretty confident that I'll pass all 4 subjects. Left 3 more for my Diploma. Then I'm done. Probably to America. I will have to check out airplane tickets real soon. I have a great feelings that the trip is not gonna work out.

Now talk about what I do everyday?

I don't go back to SP even it's my holiday because I've jobs to do in Penang.

Schedule is full starting from tomorrow to end of December.

In fact very happy for it because I don't have to spend my free time at home spending money and doing nothing.

Everyday wake up in the afternoon, then facebook, thinking of who to go for lunch with.

Everyone has their own lives to live. They have their own people. And I'm all alone. Shop alone, eat alone. Somehow I think I'm really pathetic. I've a lot of friends, a lot of hi-bye friends, a few close friends who have got their own lives to live.

But I'm glad. Everyone is happy. And I guess that's enough.

Hey morning world

2010-11-21T11:21:00.000-08:00

It's 3.22am

I've just done a bit of my revision for International Marketing.

Will continue tomorrow.

I'm the laziest student. I skipped a lot of classes this semester, even when I attended, I paid no attention. I can't believe I can still be THIS last minute.

Study just a day before exam!! However, I find it useful, because I can remember everything that I read. Very fresh in mind.

Recently have been very busy with my events.

After 26.11 will be my rest days =)

But I'm very sure events are coming up.

I'll try my best to gain experience before I really step out of the world to work.

I'm a very independent and strong girl.

I won't be celebrating Christmas this year as I've a confirmed event to handle.

I feel so far away from God now.... More like an Atheist than a Christian.

Haven't been to the church for ages.

Will try to find out about religions during spare time =)

Hope everything goes on smoothly without a hitch from now on,

my studies, my events and so on....

Might be going to USA for 2 weeks - a month if schedule allows.

Sigh, graduating only next year July.

Ah, 1 subject for long semester.

What a waste of time.

Parents suggested that I should continue my degree and then go overseas to complete the last year. Still deciding. All children can't be leaving the home, can we?

2010-11-10T07:01:00.000-08:00

原来幸福就那么简单，是我把它想得太复杂。

我最近好烦。工事，学业，友情，没有一样顺利。

大考又要到了。。

我真的很惨。再不读，我就是准备Fail了。。!

哎。。。没心情啊。。

November

2010-11-04T02:54:00.000-07:00

November is a busy month.

Just completed all my assignments and now final exam is looming around the corner.

Going crazy soon!!!

2 more weeks of events and I'm done and will rest for 2 weeks to prepare for final.

Only accept jobs after December. I can't fail any subjects!!

28.10

2010-10-28T08:50:00.000-07:00

Time flies, October is now coming to an end. Soon, will be my 20's birthday. Then it's time to welcome 2011.

Staring at the laptop screen, thinking of memorable past, listening to classical music.

Only lack a cup of coffee with a good environment.

I could imagine me sitting alone in a cafe where nobody knows me.

Far away from my country,

and it's snowing.

Sitting there, drinking coffee, and thinking of my past, thinking of what I should do in the future.

I hate it when I can't move forward.

I'm always thinking of my pasts and how I wish I could change them.

I know I can't go back, I can't change whatever that has happened.

But...

Part of me...

is still missing the old times....

I feel like leaving, to a place where no one knows me.

Have been quite busy recently with endless assignments.

But still, I managed to find time for "emo".

I'm working on the last assignment right now. Obviously ran outta ideas, so I'm here blogging.

It's been long since I ever posted my photos on my blog,

here's a picture of me, taken by Lynn, in class.

My birthday wish for this year would be

1. whoever owes me money, faster return to me...

2. earn a lot a lot of money and gain more experience.

3. give myself some time to quiet down my mind, probably off this country....

4. 1 coach

5. get myself a good phone...

boring

2010-10-19T22:04:00.000-07:00

Online in com lab right now. Nothing to do...
I'm exhausted. I don't know why I wake up so many times at night!!
Keep waking up. I hate the feeling. I feel tired but still I can't sleep.
Skipped monday and tuesday's classes.
Went back to SP last weekend, asked amely to replace me for my job, came back to Penang on Sunday.
Thought I was going to work this week BUT ended up event canceled for a week and only start next week. Wtf.
If I knew earlier I wouldnt have gone back to SP last weekend and would only go back this weekend. Earn less few hundreds, some more spent so much on petrol and toll. GRRRRRRRRRRR
I HATE THIS FEELING
over spent again for this month. it's only 20.10.2010 and i've spent my whole month allowance!!
I know I've money in bank but i hate it when I overspend

Weee~

2010-10-04T02:03:00.000-07:00

I'm back!

Just done my F & N event.

It was really fun, I enjoyed myself. Edwin, Claudia, Catherine Yap, Amely, Albert, and Catherine Lim (me).

Job scope was to distribute free drinks to crowds.

Very easy job.

Never knew the feeling could be THIS great.

Adventurous.

I never knew I was this daring.

Awesome is the only word to describe my feelings.

Thanks a lot for the moment and memory.

I love the awkward feeling to the max!

It was once in a life time experience.

Never will it happen again.

I woke up after September ends, I realised that I've moved on. It's a great start.

Damn!

2010-09-27T02:14:00.000-07:00

Class started at 11am. Went to college only at 11am, never punctual. always late.

1 more absence will get warning letter! So I can't skip anymore =(

I hate classes so much. But Stella's class is not boring, the way she lectures is kinda interesting.

After class, came back home, cleaned the whole house and my room, received a call from that lady.

Oh, did I mention about knocking a car when I reversed mine in front of Sunrise Mcd's? LOL.

Well, I saw no cars in my front mirror, so I reversed. *bang*

Damn, there was a van behind my car, I didn't see it! Waaa. Ghost covered my eyes man!

The aunty came down from her not-so-fancy van looking panicked, asked for AT LEAST RM200 for this!

I personally thought that the case is not serious, because my car didn't suffer from any "injury". So I told her her low-end van wouldn't cost that much, asked her to take down my phone number and when she wanted to fix it, gimme a call.

She even copied down my IC name, IC number, home addresses(sp & pg). =="

Went to see foreman with her just now.

And guess how much is the price to fix this??

Muahaha,

RM180!!!

Damn, I scrimp and save, barely get myself any TOO expensive food. Never really pamper myself with a dress which costs more than RM180.

And today I've to pay for a careless mistake that I made.

Bloodly RM180. I didn't really bargain with the foreman. He is her relative.

As I age, I realised that I don't like to talk too much to people like that. Friend asked me to bargain with her that I'm just a student, I also don't feel like talking so much to her.

After I heard about the price, I went into my car, took RM180 out, handed to her and just left.

RM180, can go for E & O buffet for 2 persons.

RM180, can get myself many nice dresses.

RM180, can go Genting for 2 days 1 night. Plus food some more.

RM180, can pump petrol for about 2 months!

But it's ok, just treat as I work for nothing for a day.

This kinda tragedy happens only once in a blue moon. Plus it's my first time ever knock on someone's car!

Anyway, Jaz Beer event has officially ended. We only took pictures when we went Alor Star.

I look drunk, but I wasn't. Face turned VERY REDDISH only everytime I drink.

With Nikel, and salesman. Nikel replaced my actual supervisor for 2 days(Alor Star)

Bye....! =)

Last Day of Jaz event

2010-09-24T23:59:00.000-07:00

I'm sure I've never mentioned about this event of mine, which I worked for, for only a month. 12days in a month, 3 days in a week. It's Jaz Beer Roving Team. Job scope is to promote new label of that beer. And it's coming to an end today. It's my last day.

Well, speaking about this job, it's my first time of working for a beer company, and probably my last time. You know me, I care about what people think of me.

This job is actually nothing, but I'm sure you think of "something" when you hear "beer girls".

We are not allowed to drink, no hanky panky business will be tolerated. It's not as bad as it sounds. Beer girls.

We are students and we are working just because of the salary, HIGH salary compared to any other jobs. I want the money not because I need it so badly. It's not because I've to pay for my own college fees, also not because I don't get allowance from my parents. I do get. More than I need, but never more than I want. Money is never enough. I want the money for savings, for shopping, for branded bags, for travelling.

Let's not complicate things. And never underestimate any beer girls. My colleague - Ashley, just 18 years old, she is doing A levels in KDU, and guess what?? She obtained 11As for her SPM.

I at least obtained her half okay!!! So you see, not all beer girls are bad.

We all work for money, and no matter how bad the job is, try not to criticize. It's their choice.

If I were given a chance to work as a manager at this age, and get paid GREAT, do you think I would ever wanna work for a beer company? The answer is NO. I'm still young, and events are what I can work for right now. When I grow older, and possess an academic qualification, I will not work for events anymore.

Jaz beer is coming to an end, and guess what, I'm feeling kinda sad about it. I had fun working for this event although it's a bit tiring cuz it starts at 8pm ends at 12am. Or I'm sad because I know that "something" is ending tonight? Or am I feeling sad for the end of the event? I'm not sure.

This job, covers northern region except for sungai petani.

We went over to Bukit Mertajam, Butterworth, Sungai Bakap, Alor Star and Penang Island.

Salesmen were approachable and nice.

Definitely gonna miss this job so much.

Sigh, I've so much more to do.

I've to continue to work for Liese tomorrow 12am-8pm.

I've F & N roving team event to manage and work for. I'm the coordinator, but I'm also a promoter(I hired myself to work so that I can earn both sites!)

I've GAB event waiting for me probably this coming Saturday. And yes, event kinda like clashes with my F & N so I've got ready with my replacement.

I've E commerce assignment to complete, I've not really started it and I feel bad for STILL BLOGGING over here.

I've International Business assignment to complete before end of this month.

I've Personnel Management test, on 7th Oct, chapter 1-7

I've E commerce assignment 2 to complete and hand up before 2nd week of OCT.

I've Marketing assignment to complete, 28th Oct presentation and 4th Nov due date of assignment.

I've YET to photocopy some text books.

I've to get back to SP to fix my car.

I've to get back to SP to catch up with my best friend's life.

I've to hang out with my friends and socialise more.

I've to spend some time feeling sad about the "loss". Probably spend some time crying over the spilt milk. ALONE.

I've to learn how to swim, I've to do more exercise.

I've to get home to get my allowance from both my dad & mom.

Damn, look at my to-do-list!

You must be thinking that I'm insane, why am I pressuring myself at this age? Why am I not enjoying? Let me tell you what, earning money is enjoyable to me, that's why I work.

2010-09-19T10:58:00.000-07:00

Building a strong relationship and nurturing love are not easy tasks. They take time.

Knowing that the decision that I'm about to make is RIGHT, but part of me is not letting it go.

I need serious help here.

I know, building trust is so difficult, together we built but he destroyed in a glimpse without guilt.

It hurts me. The pain of separation is haunting me. It's been almost 2 years. But it's the right thing to do. I know it. Why am I still clinging to the wrong path?

Please, I need to sleep. I need to rest.

I should let go of what's BAD.

TIME is everytime I need right now.

当你紧握双手，里面什么也没有；当你打开双手，世界就在你手中。懂得放弃，才能在有限的生命里活得充实、饱满、旺盛!

Think before you leap

2010-09-12T08:51:00.000-07:00

I swear I'll think as much as I can before I make any further decision. I'm afraid and scared. I'm tired of love. I'm tired of changing bf.
It's really tough when it comes to choosing life partner. I'm tired of getting hurt and cheated. After failing so many times in my relationships, I realised what mom says is true. That's why I've to pick a guy who is her cup of tea. Get her approval and blessing.
For Christ's sake, I'll think a lot before making any decisions.

hihi ^^

2010-09-09T01:02:00.000-07:00

It's Hari Raya eve. Wish all my malay friends "selamat hari raya". Happy and healthy always ^^
Everyone's having their holiday. Lynn's back to KL.
Friends are going to club tonight. And I'm going to work tonight = (
I know it's my choice, but I swear I wouldn't work for any beer events in the future. I'm okay with those events, short term like 1-2 days. NOT okay with a month!!
Hope I get double payment tomorrow!! Weeee.

I'm not gonna work that hard for next month. I'll rest and just concentrate on my assignments!!
Skipped so many classes this week. Especially morning 9am classes.
Just too lazy to wake up. I'm not scared of any subjects this week except for E- commerce!! Cuz lecturer's teaching style and her monotonous tone is really killing me!!

Went to watch Piranna last night with friends. A movie without ending!! It finished in about an hour or 1 hour 10 mins. Damn!!

The very rare teeth showing smile = D LOL

留得青山在，不怕没柴烧

2010-09-06T07:12:00.000-07:00

永远要记住妈咪说的这句话：“留得青山在，不怕没柴烧”
提高自己的条件，不用怕没有好前途，不用担心未来老公条件不够好！所以我每天都在学习，如何去把每一件事情做得很好！
人越来越大了，开始觉得妈咪说的话越来越实在。以前还以为她很老土，不明白这社会的进展。现在开始明白她的每一句也是为了我好!没有人比妈咪更疼我了！妈咪，我答应你，只要你健康活着，我不会让你失望！！！我会好好读书，我会好好选个好老公陪我一生。

我会好好的处理每一样事情，我会看好好。
我会照顾自己。不用你们担心。我会把我人生的路走得好好的。虽然有时我会跌倒，但是我会自己爬起来。

我很轻松，总算有勇气把所有属于我们的照片拿了下来。我会很努力的把不好的事情，不好的人给忘掉。未来的日子会更好！
谢谢让我长大的他，让我知道我不能那么轻易相信男人。谢谢他的谎言，让我知道男人撒谎时有多么的恐怖！

tired

2010-09-02T00:20:00.000-07:00

Slept at only 5am++ last night. Couldn't sleep well. Woke up at 11am++
Skipped 3 classes.
Gonna work tonight. It's so wrong to skip class for jobs. I know.
That's why I don't wanna work anymore. I wanna quit the roving team job already!
I'm so tired.
Live life easily can already don't have to expect too much. I'm fine as long as all of the people who owe me money pay me back as soon as possible

insomnia!

2010-09-01T12:22:00.000-07:00

It's going to be 4am!! And I still can't sleep.
Suffering from insomnia!
Too many things on my mind... jobs, family, relationship...argh...
I don't wanna think that much I just wanna rest! My roving team starts tomorrow! 8pm-12am. I've class from 9am-4pm. Obviously not gonna attend.
Sigh...
Next time I hope I don't get jobs last minute. Not being able to find girls to work is the reason why I can't sleep! I'm the responsible type(when it comes to working, but not studying). When I can't finish my work I just can't fall asleep! But when I can't finish my studies or assignments I can sleep like a pig!

Damn!!! I'm sooo damn weird. I'm exhausted! I wanna rest so badly after September. Sep will be the month I suffer! After that I'll have to concentrate on studies and work only on weekend. Don't wanna stress myself too much. And I wanna go home so badly!! I miss you, SP!!!

I just wanna sleep! I wanna rest! I wanna earn money even when I'm not working. I'm lazy to stand for hours!!

30.8

2010-08-30T02:00:00.001-07:00

Went to class this morning at 11am.
I COULD wake up! and lynn skipped class!! hahahaaa
She wanted to be a pig at home so no choice. I went alone!!
Came back, cleaned my house. Those annoying ants!!! Urgh!! Can never stop coming to my place!! No matter how hard I try to murder all of them..

Tomorrow is Merdeka!!
So what? LOL. Should have gone back to SP today then come back tomorrow. since I haven't been back for about 1 month + already. And I won't be back for the coming months ( I guess ). Sigh. All because of jobs. But I wanna work so badly. Don't know why.
A lot of companies still owe me my salary.
Some men still owe me money. Pretty huge amount. But it's okay as long as they return me one day. (hopefully soon)

Jaz beer roving team will start this Wednesday. So from September to October. I'll be working 5 days/week. 4 hours at night, BUT for saturday, I've to suffer. Work for Liese first then rush to work for Jaz Beer... 11 hours of working time per day. Will be so dead but I like it. Just for a month anyway! Won't kill!!

I just hope those who owe me money, esp the uncle(not my ex's dad, don't misunderstand,I'm okay with lending him cuz I get 2% of interest every month), please return me my money as soon as possible. And I want it as soon as possible because I'm not charging any cent of installment. I used my whole 2009, scrimped and saved and worked my ass off for that amount of money. HAVE a heart and please return to me as soon as possible. Don't ever try to cheat my money. Or else KARMA will haunt you!

I'm being too good for not calling you and harrying you to return me my money. I've been way TOO good. I only smsed you. Some times. Once in a while to ask about the money. I know you're using my cash to row other businessess or other investments. I don't mind at all. But please, have a heart. I hope you're reading this. But I know you won't! Because everything between us remains private and confidential. I respect you as an adult, I hope you respect me as well.
Just return me soon. No matter what you do with the money I don't care. I just wanna receive the amount I should be receiving. THX

绝望

2010-08-28T07:03:00.000-07:00

如果你不能对我好，那请你放手让我走。不要让我们彼此难受。
一次次的给你机会展现自己，一次次的被伤害。
唯有两个字 - 失望。
我还能说什么？
从sp开车来到这里briefing,我在做工。你的briefing时间4pm,我的工八点就放。叫你等我放工，你却说：“我一briefing完就走。”听了很气！！但我还能说什么？
有时觉得自己真的很傻。
那么多好条件的追求者，我竟然可以为了你放掉我要的幸福。而你？给过我什么？这一年多来，你给过我什么？? 一大堆的谎言。
我跟你在一起，你的promise一个个都没有做到，你说话时只会说得很好听。
有两个字 - 失望。快要绝望了。真的。
我已经很努力在把你给放掉。
请你不要那么自私好吗？你不能好好爱我，那请你放我走好吗？？

爱情真的可以拿来做比较？
问你为何当初为了追求我放弃你三年多的感情。你只会说：因为你漂亮，聪明，生意上可以帮到我。而她像粪，思想不成熟, 什么都帮不到你。听了我并没有感到开心。我感到可悲。
如果爱情可以这样拿来做比较，那我一年多前已经离开你，去寻找我要的幸福。我在生意上可以帮到你？那请问，在每一方面，你那一方面可以帮到我？？
做人有时不可以那么自私。只想到自己。那我呢？？我的好处是什么？？被你利用？？？
在追求我时，还骗我说你已经单身快一年了。我信你。到现在才知道，原来自己是有多么的蠢！！
被你骗了那么多东西。到头来还给你那么多的机会来伤害我自己。
我看，世界上最蠢的人是我了吧。
给我朋友知道我这么蠢，他们一定骂死我。

但是，真的。我有心也无力了。
我们不适合，
你喜欢活在谎言中，而我喜欢光明，我喜欢诚实！！

请你放我走。
你让我过得很痛苦。
请你放我走好吗？
我每天都很辛苦。
你每一天的伤害让我真的累坏了。
我不行了。
过了我们的roving.请你放我走。。。
你可以去hiao女生，add女生，tiao女生，我不管。反正那是你喜欢做的事。肥瘦高矮美丑，通通你都要！
你的事。。。我没有力了。。。
我人也老了。快要二十了。
是时候安定自己慢慢找个好男人了。
找个不会对我撒谎的男人。
而你快要二十五。
我真的希望你以后别再骗你的未来老婆。
因果报应。要永远记住

26.8 Thursday

2010-08-26T08:04:00.001-07:00

Weee, no class tomorrow. It's public holiday!
That means I can sleep until 1pm!
I skipped 2-3 classes this week. I think 2.
I ~~couldn't~~ refused to wake up this morning cuz I wanted more rest.
Well, basically I was having a real sweet dream with someone I like.
Well, not exactly the one I like but I imagined that he was the one I like. I woke up when I was dreaming half way and then went to toilet to pee. Then went back to sleep, continued dreaming!! The second time, the guy is different =( but same story!!! Why different guy!!! LOL.

I'm so stupid since when I become like a little girl who goes crazy about a man? Well, I'm just kidding anyway! hahaah.

Tomorrow brunch will be oat with Milo. Dinner with a friend.
Saturday work, after work go fill up RM50 petrol. Haih...

Sigh, my previous job was short of RM76, so I think I need to pay by using own money!! =( It's okay. Should be my mistake.

Life

2010-08-25T01:17:00.000-07:00

Life doesn't always favour us.
Sometimes life doesn't go the way we want it to go.
Sometimes we think this is the best for us, but God foresees the future, something greater is gonna happen. And we have to let go of this first.
Somehow I still wanna believe that everything happens for a reason and that there's always a God there watching over me, leading me step by step invisibly. It may sound crazy but at least it acts as faith healing. Psychology controls, remember?

Whatever comes around goes around.
We must learn to accept bad things and learn how to solve problems instead of expecting that everything is just good and alright.
Always be ready to accept bad results or criticisms because they make us grow even faster. Whenever we fall, the process of getting up again is teaching us not to fall again the next time.

Life is full weirdos, sickos. Life is not always full of people we adore. Living life is tough. But if living life is easy, it's not life.
The world is slippery, people are doing things that are beneficial to themselves. They don't care about the others as long as they are getting profit. We must be able to differentiate who is good and bad and get rid of those bad ones.

Friends.
There're true friends, there're friends who friend with you only because they can get something from you.
Open your eyes and see clearly. Get rid of those.
Treasure those who are always be there for you, who will be there for you even when you're left with a piece of shirt without a cent.

Love.
Love hurts. Love always fails.
Don't ever believe in love. Love ends.
Unfailing and unconditioning love only come from parents and perhaps God(if there's any).
Treat your parents well, obey them, be good. Before it's too late.
They are the ones who have always been there for you since young, since you were born, take care of you. Stand up for you when you get treated unfairly. Be there for you when you need. Teach you every word that you're speaking now patiently.
There ain't no love like theirs.
Be there for them when they grow old.
Be there. Take care of them. Stand up for them.
When they grow up they tend to lose their senses and memory. Be there, teach them again patiently like how they used to teach you.

Yes, I'm talking all these to myself. These are the things that I need to learn. I know I've been a bad daughter. And it's hard to change my attitude. But I realised my mistake before it's too late.

I need someone there, to guide, to lead, to fill the emptiness in my heart. I feel that by earning lotsa bucks can't give me hapiness. Deep down in my heart I long for something more. Something that gives peacefulness, hope, and future. Something that fills up the empty up.

Monday 23.8.2010

2010-08-23T05:14:00.000-07:00

Hi readers, I'm back.
Busy with job last Saturday and Sunday.
I slept at 2am last night. Surprisingly, I managed to wake up this morning for 11am class! But what was the point when I went to class without paying attention AT ALL?
Well, as long as I don't get barred.

Received another call for an event. Definitely gonna work for it.
Blog is not a safe place to reveal too much of details since everyone has access to it.
I realised that I become more secretive as I age. People ask me how much I get paid for working for this or that. Usually I don't wanna answer. That's because I don't feel like telling people and get slandered as a return that I show off. And to me, salary is private and confidential. No one should know about my salary and how much I'm earning. This is to avoid future misunderstanding and gossips. I've had enough. Salary thingy, I only tell my best friends or those who are associated with my jobs.

Being secretive is good. Sometimes we don't have to answer every question that's asked. We just have to keep quiet.
You can see that sometimes I post some posts on facebook, I'll delete it afterwards. Life's too short to be filled with gossips and misunderstanding. Life's just too short to be misunderstood all the time.

Anyway, I still haven't found suitable candidate for an upcoming event in Penang. Whoever wants to work, please email me loveof2c-s@hotmail.com.

Friday 20.8.2010

2010-08-20T06:04:00.000-07:00

I was the one who took this picture.

hohoho, now I'm in.

Yesterday went to work for Jaz beer. It was some dinner event and we went there to serve drinks to VIP.
It was just 2 hours ++ job, but feet hurt due to heels. LOL.
I haven't got pictures from my staff, so I'm just gonna show pictures taken by my phone. only 2.

I love the uniform so much. It's so pretty! haha.
A day before this job, I found 4 girls to work, but last minute all couldn't work. So chose another 4 to work with me!
Encountered some problem after work. Which I don't think I should share it here.

Today is Friday, skipped class. Woke up at only 1pm. Bathed myself, went to meet Kah Chun at Gurney Plaza. Went to Kim Gary for dessert then Nando's for... ... Lunch or dinner? It was at 4pm!
Now I finally believe my dad that Nando's is not good. I thought he told us Nando's sucks because he didn't want us to spend 20bucks on just a 1/4 chicken! LOL. He is right. Nando's sucks. To me.

After Nando's, drove back home and took my sampling stuffs then headed to Mcd's. Met Jayee. Trained her for the coming event.
I believe she'll give good piece of work... After training, went over to Gurney Drive for Laksa. OMG, I thought I promised myself not to take dinner? Again, I failed. As usual.

Tomorrow gonna work for Liese <3 weeeeee...... Hope everything is fine.... ^^
I hope this semester results will be fine. I don't pay attention at all during lessons ( as usual ) So I hope I won't neglect my studies because of events.

I believe I can handle both. Working is for the experience. Management skill, leading skill, communication skill, human resource, how to handle people and all. I'm studying all of them and putting them into practice. Working isn't all that bad. It's a good way of spending my leisure time. At the same time, I earn money and gain more experience for my future. All gonna be useful! I realised that after I work, I know how to manage my expenses better. That's called budget management skill. Knowing that money is hard to earn, I spend less on useless things. See, I'm learning all these pratically and theoritically!!! And yes, when I work I meet with all different types of people, weird ones, funny ones, liars, braggers, etc. As a result, I understand people better. Who says working is not good?? Your brain must be peanut-sized. LOL

Monday blue

2010-08-16T05:43:00.000-07:00

Skipped morning class. Personnel Management.
I was too tired to wake up. I hate myself for being so lazy. This is the second week of semester and it's the second time I skipped class!
I will make sure I don't skip anymore classes this week.
Can't wait for this weekend's job!
Gonna work for Liese. Some really famous hair products!
Anyone who's interested in buying, can come and look for me in Watson, Gurney. I'll teach you how to use. And the bubble hair colour is definitely amazing! It's just like shampooing your hair! I'm definitely gonna spend some money buying hair styling products!
And yes, at the same time, I'm working as supervisor for a sampling in Jusco, Queensbay. Since I've a job in Gurney, I can't go over to Queensbay, so I've asked a friend to help out to snap promoter pictures for me. See, 2 jobs at the same time. Luckily this job is supervisor job, just need to go have a look, snap pictures. OR else, I'll have to pass the job to other people. Pheww~ Luckily I've Joanne to help out, and of course I pay her =) This supervisor job will be 3 continuous weekends. My Liese event is an on-going event. Which will probably be 4-5weeks. I wish it would be longer. Cuz now I can't work on Friday anymore(cuz of that 1 class), so I can only look for Sat and Sun jobs.
Uh, Sat and Sun, usually just sampling job! Hope to get more supervisor kang tao as I don't like to be sampling promoter!

Anyway, Liese uniform looks good! I'll take pictures and post up here.
Recently gained weight. Probably due to the collagen I'm drinking. Anyway I've stopped. Horrible. I'm fat enough I can't be fatter anymore or else I'll lose all of my job opportunities! LOL

Life's pretty scary, isn't it? Betrayal, lies... Whao.. Scary.
I'm starting to feel scared when I tell people my stories.
I feel scared when I make complaints.
But I always have 2 persons to share my secrets with. Lynn and Joanne. They won't betray me. They have never!
Other than these 2 friends, I feel I should be more secretive and keep whatever I feel in my heart instead of telling a thing!

12.8.2010

2010-08-12T06:47:00.000-07:00

Classes have started. I was glad that this semester had no classes on Friday. But to my utter dismay, Monday's class changed time to Friday! Ah....! That means Monday only has 1 class, and Friday only 1 class to. 1 class per day makes me feel lazy and skip. Hope there will be changes again!! Classes on Friday means I can't work for events d =( Luckily now I have one confirmed on-going job which will be on every weekend. Phewwww

weeee~~

2010-08-04T01:06:00.000-07:00

Semester gonna start next week, didn't really get to have fun this semester break! Keep working only. but it's okay. I like my busy life.

Have to decide what subjects to choose for this semester. whether or not to take 5 subjects! Shouldn't. Cuz I wanna work part time, earn more bucks. Don't wanna stress myself too much.....

All jobs offers come together, always at the same time. Sometimes have to pass to other girls to do.. sien nia.. if they can come at different time then sure I work for all! LOL

Now online in a cafe... kinda busy recently....
a lot of appoinments for hangouts...

2.8.2010

2010-08-02T05:53:00.000-07:00

Time flies. Done my job, 3 more weeks of job to come.
Have to go back to college to take results this Friday then rush to work.
Hope everything is fine.
Been kinda frustrated nowadays.
Things that happened make me wanna change myself.
I believe I can change to be a better person everyday. I'm learning each day.

Anyway, I got nothing to write. Life's gloomy.

22.7.2010

2010-07-22T01:09:00.000-07:00

It's my semester break of 3-4 weeks!
Of course I wouldn't NOT grab this golden time to earn money!
So here I'm, in Pearl view hotel, Butterworth again!
Gonna start working tomorrow. Same old company - London, Yun Nam and New York. You guys know right? I've been working for their events for more than a year.
Right after my 3 days job I'll be heading to Alor Star. Awww, I love to work so much!! Because when I work, I get money. When I don't work, I spend my time doing nothing. Sleep and laze until 2pm in the afternoon, sleep at 2-3am in the morning, which is pretty unhealthy! And when I work, I wake up at 8am, get ready and go for buffet breakfast, 10am start to work, 12-1pm lunch, 6-7pm dinner. By the time I get home, it's already 10pm++, no time for supper anymore. Then I wash up, head to my bed! See, damn healthy right! Healthy + money = awesome! LOL

I've nothing to do right now, so I come to blog.
Gonna go read newspaper later. My dad stopped subcribing for newspaper like a year ago since he has the internet. He basically reads news through the net! So being his daughter, no newspaper means I won't read news! I've no self-discipline, I online means I'll bullshit on facebook, chat with my friends, stalk and STALK! hahaah

Anyway, I'm still considering whether to continue to work after Alor Star job or rest? I guess I will continue to work unless if someone wants to go KL have fun with me =p I don't wanna laze at home squandering my precious time away. I rather spend money, or earn. LOL.

Something happened in these few days. I don't even give a fuck so I don't feel like mentioning about it again on my blog. Those on my facebook should know. Anything you guys wanna know, ask me personally! I'll tell you guys the story. It's damn ridiculous and plain absurd. You guys will sweat all over. LOL. My parents didn't even wanna get involved in this small matter, they asked me to settle myself because they thought it was just a small matter. What's with the fuss? I don't understand too. Ask them. hahaha. Since young, whenever I encounter problems, my parents always want me to settle myself. As a result, I'm really independent. I don't need their help, I can stand on my own feet. All the time. I think I'm awesome. Some people still need their parents to call and fuck me(by using @#$%^@#$% words)! haha, Grow up please. If you're that great, show me your face, ask your parents to back off! Their action made them seem uneducated and blurting out all vulgar words and refusing to listen to my explanation made them absurd. First time in my life ever met this kinda parents. Hoho, wanna listen to story?? Ask me personally =) blog and facebook are very dangerous places.

lonely!

2010-07-20T03:54:00.000-07:00

Got my pictures from kerry. all pictures are kinda blur. hehe. probably bcuz of setting problems.
More on facebook. Can go have a look if you want.

I'm such a loner. Online in a cafe for hours! ALONE.
Some people may think I'm weird. I've friends, I can just ring them and ask them to come and accompany me. But I choose to be alone. I don't know why.

I'm in SP now. It's so boring.
I wanna be more sociable! Have more friends, get more jobs and know more new friends.
Gonna be outstation for 10 days starting from Friday.
3 days job at BM then 7 days at Alor Star. Company new opening! Weee, get to work! Hope God bless my sales can be high high high ^^

All I wanna slim down...
Slim down...
and take good care of my skin!!!
Sleep before 12am!! Nah bullshit, I can only sleep before 12am when I've to work the next day! hahaha

k la, have to go home now. It's 7pm by the way. Dad cooked but I think homefood sucks. Feel like escaping but no one to go dinner with me.
I guess because when I was in relationship I stuck too closely with bf all the time. Now that I'm single, I feel disoriented! LOL.
Whatever, I can change that! =)

Exhausted!!

2010-07-18T07:46:00.000-07:00

Continuously 6days of jobs.
Add 2 more experiences to my "working experiences" list. Woohoo. More than 20 experiences already.
Worked for Gillette for 3 days then CARS international for 3 days.
I realised I've become immune to feet-ache!! haha.
As in, I don't feel pain anymore wearing heels for the whole day. Maybe because I'm too used to it already. Been standing and working for events for almost 2 years!!
Finally get to rest for a few days back in SP, have to get ready for my photoshoots on 24th and 25th! I guess I'm just gonna go with light make up!! =)

Waiting for kerry to send me pictures of CARS international pictures. lalala~~ The above pictures were taken by using my phone. Kinda blur and ugly though!!!

Anymore jobs?? I am so damn picky. per day less than RM80 means I won't work. I think I should just accept. Something is better than nothing right?? Better than sitting at home lazing around. Shouldn't be so lansi!! LOL

Wanna go KL shop for clothes la =( haih.... grrr.... who wants to bring me there???

你珍惜过我吗？

2010-07-12T04:55:00.000-07:00

如果有一天我消失了，请你不要再找我。
我的离开不是因为我不爱你而狠心的放下你，而是你不珍惜。
机会给了你一次又一次，我看不到你的改变。但我还是再给你一次又一次的机会。你的改变，还要我等多久？
我真的很累，我怕有一天，我走了，我就不再回头了。
我每次跟你说你的缺点，你听进去了吗？你有改吗?没有。
我说你说得我很累。
我怕我有一天累坏了，选择离开了。。
我懂离开才是对的，但是我却一直再给你机会。。我在等着你的表现。。但是我看不到。你还是一样的那么爱说谎。。
难道别人跟我说的“你是不可能会改的，因为你从小到大都一样，没有变过”是真的？？？是，我只是一直在给你机会表现。我蠢

Burdened

2010-07-12T04:42:00.000-07:00

6th semester ended today. Financial Management paper 2-5pm just now.
I was expecting an A for it but now I'm hoping to pass the paper. I just screwed it because I didn't study for the theory part which carried 30 outta 100 marks. All blank. And I'd forgotten about how to do those calculations.
So yes, keeping my fingers crossed for a pass.

Came outta exam hall at about 3.50pm, rushed to Regal Hotel for a job briefing, gonna start working tomorrow. Some brand ambassador for Gilette razor.
Gonna work for 2 days, rest for a day, then start my CARS job @ Queensbay.

I wanna get more jobs, make myself busy and think less about your lies and your pasts. I need to get you outta my mind. You don't deserve a stay in my mind. I need to get rid of you! SOON!
I hate the feelings of waking up feeling empty and burdened and cheated. And what I think about all the time is your lies lies lies and think of what else do you lie. I'm tired. Very tired. Perhaps you don't realise how tired I've become.
You went out with your friends last night until 4am++, I knew it. Someone told me you were with him. This morning I asked you what time did you reach home, you said 2am. I asked you again, one last chance, you said 2.30am. After that I told you that I knew where you were last night, you converted whole story and told me in another way. I'm so sick of your lies.
You said you'd change for God's sake. I don't see any changes. Even small matters you lie. How do I believe in you again?
I know that there're still a lot of things which you haven't told me.
I'll find out one by one by myself.
I'm tired...
I know I'm not handling this too well. I should just cut this relationship off. Like, in a cruel way because you weren't lenient when you lied.
I can do it one day....!!!
I believe I can...!
You're a disaster, a virus and a disease!!! You're horrible!

10.7.2010

2010-07-10T05:40:00.000-07:00

Time flies. Few more months to new year. Means I'm getting older. I'm so scared...
haih...it's already July now...
End of semester already.
Left one more paper - Finance on Monday which I haven't prepared for it at all.

Thursday after finishing my Organizational Behavior paper in 45mins, I rushed to Queensbay mall for a job interview. Then rushed back to SP for a job briefing.
Then Friday, woke up at 7am and rushed to work until 2pm. After working, rested and then rushed back to Penang to gather my girls for another briefing...
This morning woke up at 6.15am...Then went to work...
Car had some problem. I don't wanna mention it anymore. Ended up have to call Mandy to fetch me...! LOL...
Anyway, good pay and easy job ^^ Thanks to my SP and PG girls who helped.
SP- everlyn, fion, chloe
PG-kerry, may, mandy
Millions thanks!
then there's no need to thank the supervisor. his pay is too good! LOL

tomorrow only study for FM la...now feel so lazy and sad

3am; 4th July 2010

2010-07-03T11:53:00.000-07:00

It's 3am, guess where am I now?
Online in greenlane Mcdonalds.
Have been taking mcd meals for a few days cuz it's a place to study.
Too noisy that I can concentrate on my studies.
A place to escape from my comfortable room and bed.

Operation management final test is tomorrow!
Being the last-minute-girl, I've to mug hard a day before exam!
Always enjoy myself for the whole semester and suffer only for a day.

I miss SP so much... Miss the hot house, the freaking weird weather and cafes! Miss my friends... Miss my mom who nags all the time....
But I can't go home even after my final. Gotta work, for 2 events... then go for photoshoots...
= ( Don't know when I can get home to get my July allowance.

I'm gonna take 5 subjects next semester if possible.. so that I can graduate faster!!! So what to do after graduation?? Looking forward to working life! haha. I'm sure after I work for a few months, I will feel like going back to university again!

event jobs event jobs...please come to me...more more more events needed..... i didnt work for the whole June...! No extra income for savings!! I have to reach **k by end of this year!!! HELP!!!!!!!!!!
If i take 5 subs next semester, my **k target gone before hand. Cuz if there's class on friday, means i can't work for any!! =(

HELP.....

Photoshoots coming soon...what should I wear, how should i give flattering poses? how do I pose in front of a few photographers!!! argh...i need to learn all these.... and hey, make up!!!! I don't know how to do a full make up.....!!!
now I've learned how to put on eyelashes, then what about lower lashes and eyeshadow!!!and face rebalance....????

someone teach me teach me!!!

Takes one to know 1

2010-06-30T10:45:00.000-07:00

you will never know how it feels until you really feel it yourself.
life sucks.
we all have to learn the hardway!
god damn it.
i just wish to disappear from this country to somewhere better and start a new life. seriously! sick of this place.
i have been saying this for god-knows how many times. being unrealistic knowing that i cant escape yet! i still have about 2 semesters to go before my diploma ends. no matter what, i have to make my life colourful. start painting my life with colours instead of stopping there whining about how awful and miserable my life is.
i gotta do something! i gotta do something!

Life

2010-06-24T00:38:00.000-07:00

This post is all gonna be about "life".
I often rant about my imperfect life but today I'm gonna tell you how unfair life is when it comes to relationship.

I've had a lot of experiences and my experiences have taught me a great lesson.

I was treated callously, no chance given for me to prove myself. Why should I give you a chance to prove yourself which you just failed more than 5 times after you said you would change.
I was not forgiven for little mistakes I made, why should I forgive you for your serious offence?

Things that you did cannot be tolerated by anyone.

The wrong man

2010-06-17T07:03:00.000-07:00

A relationship is about 2 persons.
To me, it's about the right man.
I've failed this part.
Because I've not dated the right man.
Foolish enough, I only found out more than a year later.
Foolish enough to be fooled for so long.
I'm the one who always warns my girls not to ever get into a relationship with the wrong man, but I'm doing it myself.

All I wanna do now is to leave my country and start a new life overseas. I want every shit to stop and change. How I wish my parents were filthy rich so that they could send me there anytime, anywhere I want. Too bad, I'm not a princess, I can't rule their mind. My family is chaotic, I wonder when it's coming to an end. I wish never. But what I can say to control my parents. Nothing!! It's useless.

Everything seems not right and I just....
don't wanna care anymore....

final is coming soon, I'm just gonna study and make sure I pass all subs, make sure I don't delay my graduation anymore so that I can leave faster!!!!!!

It's late.

2010-06-12T09:18:00.000-07:00

It's late now. 12.18am.
I'm feeling empty, lost, scared, and just cold.
I wanna know what's wrong with me?
Why am I not afraid of death at all?
Why am I so pessimistic about the world, my life and just everything around me?
It's creepy, I can feel the emptiness in my heart. It's creeping my heart outta me.
I wonder, when can I find real happiness?
It's been too long since I ever felt occupied.
Nobody knows how it feels.
Nobody knows what I'm going through.
Because I remain silent, and I choose to conceal my sadness.
Yes, I try not to complain about anything anymore, because there are much more people in this world, suffer more than I do. My pain is not painful.

Sigh...
I need real happiness.
I need to feel secured and loved.
I demand for nothing more than just love.
Love me, care for me, shower me with attention.
That's all I want now.
I'm not just talking about relationship love.
I'm talking about an an awesome love from God, from my parents, and lastly, from a man whom I can trust in.

hi I'm back

2010-06-11T09:20:00.000-07:00

Abandone my blog for quite some time. But realised there're still some people who visit my blog everyday. So yeah, I will continue to blog once I finish my final exam. I'll try to take photos, make my blog interesting. and I'll edit my blog pictures, pattern and layout and everything too!

Life's been sucked-up. Many things happened. My relationship...my family...
well, shouldn't be telling my problems in public. So, let it go. I guess I'm still feeling happy.

Anyway, I've been quite free recently. Cuz I don't accept jobs anymore. Tired of working! LOL. But I think I still have event coming up end of the month! I've been loyal to my company more than a year, gonna work for it and reject other jobs.

Just realised, final exam left 3 weeks. Gotta start revising for 4 subjects. Never paid attention in classes for this semester. I'm like so dead. No, I shouldn't say that I'm dead. Because at the end of the day I'll still be able to do great IF I start studying now...

Life's complicated isn't it??
When you're confident, people say that you're arrogant. When you're happy with your life and happy with everything, people say that you're too easily satisfied with yourself. Perasan, siok sendiri.. ETC.
When you're not confident and often complain and whine about your mistakes and life, people say that you're an asshole who's always complaining about every single, doesn't know how to appreciate anything...
SO, teach me what to do now???

So I've learnt a new way to cope with this, is to be silent. Don't defend and just keep quiet. Say anything you like, think anything you like.
I live a life of myself, not yours.
Life has ups and downs.
I've great times but I still demand for greater life. That's because I believe there's still room for improvement. I wanna make it better.
I've bad times and I complain about it. That's because I want myself to know that I don't like bad times and I want better times. I complain, express my feelings.

Well, I've also learned that, complaining doesn't work. But it's just an expression of how I feel in there. Sometimes friends are not there, and I just can express it through facebook statuses. Sometimes I don't wanna tell people what's wrong, I just keep quiet and be emo on facebook...

I seriously hope that I can leave Malaysia soon and get a better life overseas. Since there's no one else here to stop me from going anymore.
A cheating bf won't stop me, chaotic family won't stop me either.
I just want a new life, new environment, and new friends. That's all

byeye~

2010-06-03T09:12:00.000-07:00

Leaving Sp to pulau pangkor tomorrow. brought very normal shirts only... not planning to take a lot of pictures there.. cuz i want everything to be simple = )
i have abandoned my blog for quite some time. a lot of things happen actually. just that i dont feel like writing = p so forget it

13.5.2010

2010-05-12T23:38:00.001-07:00

Skipped classes again. useless student. haven't been attending research class for almost 1 month! yes, 1 month. I can't skip anymore next week. I am always lazy on Thursday!

Useless me

2010-04-26T03:25:00.000-07:00

Skipped class again this morning. I feel so useless. I'm a student and don't act like a student..always waste money, don't go to class but go shopping! Useless me! when will I wake up? 2 assignments haven't ~~done~~ started!!!
Argh...can't skip anymore classes!!

Well, yesterday couldn't sleep well... kept on waking up at night... too hot... cuz my blanket is too thick...so I removed my blanket...then too cold...couldn't sleep...!! Then what to do! remove or cover also cannot! Then my neck was in a great pain.. this side cannot, that side also cannot! how to sleep!!! Geeezzz...

then skipped class....went to prangin mall to shop for boots. Bought a pair of white coloured boots at a good price. I saw brown 1...nice...but I wanted black...black a lot of pairs also outta sizes...so went home with only a pair of white boots. Gonna go grab the brown coloured 1....! sooooooooon! hahaa......
but I know I won't always wear them..just saja wanna spend money!!!

so this is my plain white boots. plain boots will not be out to date.... so it's a better choice

My actual shoes size = 8. but for boots I take 9..bigger thus more comfy...weeeeeeeeeeeee

white one is too plain....getting 1 in brown....better...nicer....wooohoo

to do list

2010-04-18T02:45:00.000-07:00

it's already week 4th or 5th of the semester. 5th I guess.. I am still blur about my course outlines.

1. research metho. assignment
2. operation management assignment
3. operation management test this week. chapter 1-4
4. find text books.

finish assignment before due date!!

hihi~

2010-04-17T09:37:00.000-07:00

it's been a month since I ever applied mask on my face! argh, i feel so awful and dirty!
today is my last day in SP, going back to PG tomorrow!
i've a lot of things to buy....
sunglasses, shoes, heels, some accesories, headbands, mask....
OMG...... money please come back to me.
i am seriously in need of skin care.
believe it or not.
i m not using anything.....
no moisturizer.....basic skin care also none...just japan facial wash rm9 per tube which I got from watson......sometimes use st.ives scrub, or olay facial wash...mix...
then garnier toner only. that's all

i always like to buy skin care...... but my skin is very sensitive.... restrict me from using any products. i havent found a product which suits my skin! damn it. I dont feel like a lady...
seriously

现代男人

2010-04-17T01:15:00.000-07:00

厉害说大话。吃饱没事做跟一班猪朋狗友喝茶，说大话，boom来boom去，说女生谁漂亮谁性感。就因为太无聊，没有见过世界，没有看过女生，丑的也被他们说到像天使。没有水准。
现代的男人。说话用boom的，往往说到做不到。
没钱却没有努力去赚，天天还可以跟猪朋狗友出去boom! 浪费宝贵时间，牺牲睡眠在外做些无聊的事。花钱打game.
现代男人，有多少个可信？
现代男人，没有志气。
家里有钱的，每星期三星期六去clubbing, 开几支酒就以为很伟大，可以骗到很多无知少女回家。可怜的他们在暗暗闪闪的灯光下看到的女生全部都是美的。回到家全部都是吓人的。这些现代男人，以为自己很威的男人，如果今天你没你老爸，你是什么？！我告诉你，你是sampah masyarakat! 社会垃圾。
爸爸辛辛苦苦赚钱给你希望你会好好利用，给你一个很简单的开始，有钱，有做什么都容易。你却拿去泡女，赌，到最后输了整家产，得了整身病，害了老婆孩子家人，你还是人吗？
没钱的，爸爸没有，自己也没有上进心，要起步，多难？？需要多少的时间，多少的奋斗？没有钱了，就要好好珍惜，用最少时间最低本钱来企业。
现代男人，有多少个信得过？为了怕输，没钱装有钱，到最后欠人一生zai(on debt)(我的华文不好我不会写)

现代男人，你何时醒呢？？？？

说不出的辛苦

2010-04-15T23:51:00.000-07:00

我现在很闷哦。回到sp了。没有事做，家里又很热。如果在房间开冷气，就不能上网。因为房间没有wireless.
不能忍受热的我，就驾着我的白色myvi来到这个cafe online!
唉。。一个人。。还是一个人。。又是一个人。。
说真的，我很喜欢一个人的感觉。我可以没有知己，我可以一个人过活。我的世界是寂寞的，黑暗的。我不喜欢有多多人的地方。我喜欢很暗的地方。我恨不得把我槟城的家放上黑色的窗帘！讨厌太阳！
我在外是个很外向的人，但我的心里住着一个很黑暗很内向的我。
我真的很希望可以找到一样能够让我真正的快乐起来的人。。
到现在都找不到。。
自从离开了教会，离开上帝后，我感觉我整个人是黑暗的。我做了不少的错事。而且还是明知故犯。
做了很多工，赚了很多的钱。可以吃很多名贵的，买名贵的东西。但，心还是空虚的。
回到家要面对着破碎的家庭（父母两个都有很大的问题）。。。
我很想离开。。。。。快点离开。。。
我要出国。。但是。。。
出国后家里发生什么事我都不知道。。。是好事。。
万一真的需要我时。。。我怎么回家。。。。。

很烦。。
真的希望我的白马王子快快出现。。。帮帮我。。。安慰我。。。。
啊。。。。。。。。。神阿救救我吧

dreams

2010-04-12T07:59:00.000-07:00

Everyone has their own dreams.
My still-unfulfilled dreams are:
1. dine in luxurious restaurants. At least twice per month. I don't like hot and non-classy places.
2. have a lot of branded stuffs and bags.
3. eat whatever I want to eat without having to look at the price.
4. go travel anytime I like. and don't have to worry about money.
5. candle light dinner.
6. surprises.
7. don't have to work but get money from hubby.

I want to go travel.
I think I am going to Pulau pangkor this coming june....
mom is still the best.......

Monday

2010-04-12T03:12:00.000-07:00

A boring Monday.
Skipped morning class cuz I am tired after 3 days of work.
Continuously 3 days of high heels, in 4 layers of clothes. PC FAIR 1.
As a cosplay girl for Kingory online game.
But I guess nothing comes easy, just bear with it if you want extra income.
Nothing is easy in this world.
I'm sorry to my friends, who have asked me for jobs and never got any.
Just to let you guys know, all I can do is to get phone number or email address for you guys. The next step you need to do is to send profile to agent/client. If you get selected, congrats! If you don't, try again next time. Don't blame me for not getting any jobs. Cuz even I need to send in profiles together with pictures and vital stats: ep: (34C, 26, 36), weight and kg. Then I will go through selection and sometimes interviews. If I pass I get it.
And for the sales job that I do, not everyone can do it. If I ask you there, you don't have sales for today, you'll be sacked the very next day. So please understand. I don't want you to go around telling people that you got sacked or whatever it's. Or say that my jobs are so hard to do. If my jobs are hard, I won't be earning so much. I can sales hard, I can talk. I know not everyone can. Everyone has different skills and ability. I truly understand.
If talking doesn't suit you, don't sales. Try to do other things.
I can do all. From sales to promoting to showing.
If you can't sales, you promote, if you cant, you show. If you can't show, then promote. Be flexible.
Thanks!

I know I don't look good in above pictures because I was messy and sweating for the whole day. Imagine the crowd and the weather. Imagine the 4 layers of clothes I had to wear. I know I may not look the best, I'm not perfect, and I know it. And I know that I'm fat. so keep your disgraceful comments if you were to give any. thanks.

I'm very sincere during work. And sincere when applying for any jobs. I would state in my profile that I'm not a thin girl, I'm a little bit meaty. If you can accept, take it; if you can't, don't hire me. I don't wanna go there and then get sacked back home cuz i can't wear the uniform. So you people do the same okay! Don't fake height or weight or vital stats. It's very important.
Be sincere.

I'll have roadshows next month again. For London Weight.
I'll have other jobs coming!!
Sometimes when I receive calls for jobs, I see the salary is high, I will take it. So no more slots left. If the boss asks me to find friends to work together, I will inform my friends. or post on facebook.
If I receive calls and I don't wanna work, mostly because the salary is below RM100, I will open it to my friends. Usually not many slots too. please understand.

Opps

2010-04-04T05:15:00.000-07:00

I know what I'm going to wear this coming Fri- Sun. A terrifying one.
But what to do. People say, there ain't no free lunch. Sigh.
But my tummy is not flat....! I will look even fatter in photos!

I'm going to dye my hair tomorrow, purely brown that's close to red. Yeah. Promotion. So I wanna try try = p then at 5pm I will head to Tesco Sungai Dua to work. Monday - Thursday = 5pm- 10pm work as supervisor for london weight management roadshow.
Then fri- sun work as show girl @ pc fair. fuuuyoh...gonna be so tired but in 7 days I can earn RMxxxx, it's private and confidential so cant tell. Sorry = (
Didn't plan to work for london this time because pc fair job pays me higher, and i have classes on weekdays. But my leader asked me to work and she would pay me a better price = ) so yeah, on...!! 5 hours per day only! = )
some more can get incentive and commission like normal! Yeah!!! money money come to me!! Muahahahahaha~~

hihi~~~

2010-04-02T23:46:00.000-07:00

Going back to Penang tomorrow night.
Rejected this weekend's job including freshkon promoter @ Focus point and London weight management job. Too last minute so didn't work. Haha. actually I wanted to come back SP to get money from my parents = p
Just did some investment. Left with rm150 in my bank account. But it's temporary. Wednesday will get back some of my money.

Waiting for the coming PC Fair!! Haahahaha~~
Nice pay nice uniform but fat lady in it. LOL.
I'm trying to lose weight. Cut down consumption of food. Sometimes I fail. Cuz I like to eat. Sigh. NVM!!! haha. fat ma fat lo.......not like doremon can already!!

Byebye!!!!! I am so fat!!!

Sunday

2010-03-28T00:24:00.000-07:00

Just done my 2 days job at Pisa for Industrial Expo. LOL.
Received a few msgs from unknowns. They said that they saw me at Pisa and asked me why nowadays Industrial Expo hire show girl =.="
I feel weird too. I'm the only one there anyway.
Worked for Chew, the boss. job scope was to give out flyers only. Easy job!!
10am-6pm RMXXX payment on the spot. Hooray. I like it.
If I knew Chew was the one who smsed me to work a week before event, I would have agreed because the payment was RMxxx per day. but I thought it was another guy who offered only rm80 so I rejected. At last Chew asked me to work again for Fri and Sat, payment RMxxx, then only I realised I missed out RMxxx. Really easy job!!

Hehe,
yesterday was the last day.
So happy because someone from another booth printed my pictures on a big banner for free by using the big big printers for printing banners.
I received some pens with my name printed on them.
I had fun the whole day.
^^
and I got paid at 5sth then went home... woohoooo~nicenice

Oh ya I saw my OB lecturer there. OMG OMG I couldnt recognise him at first!! Luckily I could at last. Hehe... his wife praised me some more.. =.="

anyway anyway,
I'll make sure I attend every class start from this week because I've wasted a lot of money. I don't wanna fail again. Money is hard to earn nowadays

Now waiting for PC fair, already got a job.
Worked for kingston 2 times, they called me again this time but they pay they offer is way too low compared to the job that I got. So said sorry to them ....

XOXO......
Money comes in like water goes out like stuffed drains nowadays. The more money I earn, the more stingy I become because I start to know how to treasure my hard-earned money.
I wanted to buy a set of skin care which cost RM400++ but decided not to because I suddenly became kiam siap(stingy). Bcuz 400++ I need to work for 2 days okay.. zzzzz... Sometimes no job don't get to earn!!

So happy this year, jobs are offered almost every week.
Great. But if it's lower than rm100 per day, most probably won't work.
I don't wanna torture myself.

Now.....
I'm planning to go on diet.
I gained weight recently. Around 2-3 kg.
the waist is now 26. I find it okay already, except for my arms, my thighs. They don't wanna slim down; or shall I say; I don't wanna stop eating mcd kfc mcd mcd mcd mcd mcd is heaven!

Today is Sunday. Do nth, don't even feel like going out, too jam out there, parkig fees are too expensive. So just stay home, online... sleep..
That's my life.
I like to be alone. I know tat I am safe being alone.

Will go back to hometown this week. I wanna go meet up a friend of mine.....

hohoho~~ Money money money....
20k is the minimum amount of money I will have before year 2010. I will try my best to achieve 30k!!!!! Oh ya not to forget I still have a few thousands in fixed, I havent taken out!!
anyway, gonna check out ambank investment. I think they pay pretty good.

Lazy~

2010-03-25T05:26:00.000-07:00

I've difficulty waking up in the morning for classes but find it easy when it comes to waking up early for jobs! Some people say it's because I get paid when I wake up early for jobs. But I'm actually wasting a lot of money when I skip classes. I pay for tuition fees(damn expensive.Take note that my college is fully private, not semi-gov like TARC), resources fees( I've not made used of it. I've not borrowed any book from the library yet!) When I skip, I am wasting money. When I fail, I am wasting even more because it's so expensive to retake.

So, I'll make sure I skip no more classes start from next week ^^

Anyway, gonna work for Industrial Expo @ Pisa tomorrow. Weird right? I've no knowledge for automation but gonna work. ha~~ But it's okay... I'm gonna dress in tube top and mini skirt so you know what I'm gonna work as.
= ) Don't need to have knowledge.
However, I missed today's job because I thought that I had classes so I told the guy I couldn't make it for all 3 days.
He smsed me this morning asking me to work for Fri and Sat only.
Oh great, I quickly agreed bcuz the salary is pretty attractive.

= )

New sem.... New life.... Must start dieting.....

PC fair is next = ) nono, maybe homedec is next?

Depression

2010-03-16T06:09:00.000-07:00

I'm online alone in a cafe nearby my house. I have a cup of black milk tea beside me. I'm not lonely.
I'm depressed. My heart is empty. Who's there to fill my empty cup? I find no one.
I'm depressed. I find no trustworthy and true friends to share my agony. I cannot even share my pain to my bf. Somehow I would think, what is a bf for when you cannot even share your pain to him. I struggle to articulate my thoughts. I'm a weirdo. It's my problem.
I have no one to communicate with. Maybe that's the way I choose to be.
At times I feel like dying, because this world is no longer a good place to live.

I want everything to be better, but I still choose to remain in the worst.
I'm a weirdo.

One Malaysia = Utter disappointment

2010-03-07T07:40:00.000-08:00

As mentioned earlier, I was working for New York Skin Solution roadshow at Carrefour Butterworth for 3 days. Done it, and there's one more to come. Which is at Tesco Sungai Dua. I will be promoting London Weight Management there.

Well, everything went smooth without a hitch. Great sales, earned a lot of money in these 3 days, great food, great sleeping place(hotel)... etc.
Carrefour roadshow came to an end today at 10pm.
Everything was great before 9.55pm!!

We needed a trolley in order to move all our banners and leaflets back to our car since it was the last day there.
So yeah, I went to search for a trolley at 9.55pm. Cashier counters are always the best places to find a trolley because customers leave their trolleys there after payment is made. This can help to ease the guard's job as he doesn't need to push them back to the place where they belong. So I went there to hunt for a trolley. Then I saw one, the MALAY uncle was paying the cashier with the trolley quite far away from him. I thought that it was not his trolley because every customer leaves their trolleys there!!!!!! Hello, Who knows it's his?????? So I stood there for a while. And saw that he only bought maggi mee, and some biscuits, just 2 small bags of things, I quickly assumed that he would leave the trolley there and that he wouldn't want it anymore even if it was his trolley. So I pushed the trolley back to my booth.
Just when I was pushing back, he was shouting like mad at me. So I turned back and saw that it was him calling for his trolley back. In fact, he was CURSING me for his trolley back. So I immediately turned to him. I said:" Really sorry, I thought that you didn't need it anymore." Yes, I did say a sorry and gave it back to him. I did say a sorry. A sorry. A SORRY for a mistake that I just made. JUST A TROLLEY ANYWAY!
He then scolded me:" BODOH(foolish in english)!! I BAYAR DEKAT SINI I TAK MAU AH?( I pay here, you can say I don't needed it anymore? "
Was there a need to scold me BODOH in a harsh way?? I already said sorry for not knowing that he still needed it.
I was fed up enough when he said that. But fine, since it was my mistake. So I walked away and felt angry because he scolded me BODOH. I was mumbling some vulgar words.
Just when I was walking away, he blurted out:" BODOH!!!!(foolish), ONE MALAYSIA !@#$%^&*(I didn't understand) MACAM INI BODOH!!!)
I am a very bad tempered person, you know I cannot walk away without replying! Scolding me foolish already got me freaking angry. CUZ OF A TROLLEY!!!!!!!! You want I can push you 20!!!!!!! So I scolded back loudly:" I MEMANG TAK TAU, TAK BOLEH?? CIBAI!!!!!" Excuse me, every customer leave their trolleys there. Then I walked away, my face turned really red, everyone was looking at me and knew that I was really mad.
Why need to talk about ONE MALAYSIA at the same time cursing me stupid?? Are you saying that we chinese are foolish???And that we are Malaysians so we are so stupid like that? I bet you are a racist, old folk.
I will die of heart attact one day. You are in your sixties. If I had a gun, I would have shot him just now. I am sure all the chinese there were not very happy with him for saying the "one malaysia !@#$%^&*" thing!

I tell you what, old folk. I am never proud to be a Malaysian. I don't wanna be a Malaysian. If I were given a chance to reborn, I would never pick Malaysia.
Elder people always tell me to leave Malaysia if I have the chance. My parents ask me to leave. Even my house owner has sent his family to Australia and told me to leave Malaysia if possible because it's not a good place anymore. So Please do not talk about one malaysia in front of me because I am not a Malaysia, I am from my mother's womb, I am mothersia!!!!

Let Malaysia be MALAYsia = )

Of course, I am not saying that all malays are bad, some are really good. Some even scold their own race for being stupid, for being too narrow minded. I love doctor Mahathir because he once said that Malays are stupid. Oh well, of course he wasn't saying ALL.....
Peace *

4.3.2010 ; 9.50pm

2010-03-04T05:46:00.000-08:00

Hi! It's been long since I ever blogged. As a result, less and less people pay their visit.
It's okay!
Anyway, it's holiday now! Semester break. And it's what I like the most!!
Hang out, relax, do nothing, laze around....and work!!! etc etc....

I don't wanna go back to hometown, I also don't feel like going out because of the weather!
Anyway, I'm now in Pearl View Hotel Butterworth.
People keep asking me why am I here? Some guy even asked what do I do in hotel? work as what? I guess their mind turned dirty when they asked this.
The reason why I am here is because I've a job on fri, sat and sun.
Accomodation is provided. And the job is New York Skin Solution event promoter!! LOL

Thanks to Elie's bf - Jack for fetching me and my bf to jetty. Then I took a bus from Butterworth jetty to my hotel which is in Chai leng park. Of course my bf didn't follow. He went back to SP.

This is my room = )

The bed sheet is dirty, the table is full of ants. Ewwwww!

free today

2010-02-26T03:27:00.000-08:00

Woke up at 1pm..online.. and chatted with my sister(SKYPE) until 4pm.
After that went to prangin mall to have my favourite tomyam alone to have my brunch. yes. alone..My life is boring. As I don't make friends around. I've a lot of Hi Bye friends but I don't have very close friends. Because I find it hard to trust in people around me. So yeah, alone is not that sad, is it? What I like is staying at home all the time. I guess because home is where the heart is. Haha.

My fish nuggets with fries!

Tomyam...Damn nice. Damn spicy that's why I like it!

Done 5th semester.

2010-02-25T00:12:00.000-08:00

There are 7 semesters for my Diploma course.
Done 5, 2 more to go. Not to count failed subjects in. Left 2 more.
Woohoo.
Done Micro and Macro papers.
I seriously cannot fail anymore for the next 2 semesters. Or else my course will be prolonged again!!
I wanna graduate faster and study 2 more years of degree!!
I don't wanna grow up, yet I wanna graduate faster. I'm contradicting myself.

Recently never took any photos so no photos to upload on facebook. Sad...

I just know that I'm finally relieved because exam is OVER!
OVER!!!

Yay~

5.8 gathering

2010-02-19T08:12:00.000-08:00

Just came back from 5.8 (IT) class gathering.
Went to old town and chatted over there, then Adrian suggested that we should go Sunway Carnival to catch a movie. So after talking we headed to Sunway Carnival for "The lightning thief". It wasn't that bad but not so interesting either.
Anyway, 3 star for that movie.
After movie we headed to Auto City to have our dinner. But due to complaint from one of my ex-classmates dad, I had to drive her car back to SP. Then dropped myself back to my house, bid goodbye. Then went to pack porridge as my dinner.
I just realised that I'm so fucking fat. I seriously need to slim down = (

Here are some photos that I managed to snap just now. Just a few though.

Captured in the car when I was waiting for all to come.

Classmates

~XOXO~

Allen Saw went genting. left me alone. We planned to go back to Penang today. but he went to genting. sudden decision. I had to wait him for 1 more day. Don't get back to penang means no study. Shit, doesn't he know that exam is on next wednesday?
It's difficult to make him understand when he quit college himself years back!

CNY & Valentine

2010-02-15T08:04:00.000-08:00

The weather is damn hot! I'm going insane of the weather!! I must turn on 2 fans when I sleep. One is table another is ceiling. My air cond is way to noisy, I don't wanna on it. LOL.
This year didn't go back to my dad's side, means no ang pao from there = ( Sigh....
But I do get quite a lot from my mom's side...

For valentine's part, I guess not many chinese celebrated Valentines this year as all of us had to go back to our own homes.
I'm realistic and materialistic. This I must admit because I don't think they are bad things. You cannot live in this world if you're not realistic because the world is realistic. So you are just being foolish when you don't wanna be realistic! If you're not materialistic, then don't study, don't work. Because we study just to get a better job that gives better pay in the future.
I call whoever that's not materialistic a moron.
Everyone is, just that whether they admit or not.

I like the bear, it's so cute.

Blue roses. One is dying soon. Sigh...nice but short-lived.

Happy Valentine. Thank you for the gifts.
I know I didn't give you anything. bluek = p

Happy chinese new year!!!!!

2010-02-12T20:04:00.000-08:00

Reunion dinner tonight. My mom's cooking sucks. I don't want to eat at home.
Maybe going to relative's house tonight....
!!!!
tomorrow might be going to perak....
don't know....
my dad is weird. he doesnt feel like going back to his own home. WEIRD and BAD

Fuck my life.

2010-02-12T06:07:00.000-08:00

It's a story about a girl who just drove like mad minutes ago. Not on highway but housing area. She was fetching her mother and 2 other siblings. She smacked her mother's lap then slammed the fucking main door when she reached home. She was shouting like crazy and acting like a lunatic. But she had all the reasons to do so.

PROBLEMATIC parents are so sickening.

No encouragement, no love, no support,
only curses, discouragement violence.

That's how I grow up.
No encouragement. Only discouragement.
No support, only sarcasm and criticism.
Whatever I do I don't get support from my parents.
Even the things that I do are actually good, they don't support.

Violence, my parents are not like anyone's else's parents. My parents are problematic. I mean it. They are sick. My dad is sick and my mom is sick.
and I m sick because I have sick parents. I'm so fucking angry!

Please DO NOT TELL ME ANYTHING ABOUT THE 2 OF YOU. WHATEVER THINGS, PLEASE FUCKING SETTLE YOURSELVES. I'M NOT A JUDGE I CANNOT JUDGE. You guys wanna divorce just do it. It's fucking non of my fucking business. I am so sick of you guys. I am so sick of my mother. can you stop telling me to find a rich man so that i won't suffer in the future? can you stop telling me your husband treats you unfairly. I know it and I have eyes to see it myself. you don't have to repeat and repeat. it's so fucking frustrating. i have got enough of it i don't need anymore. don't come and tell me that you suspect your fucking husband this and that. whatever he wants to do, it's non of my fucking business.
stop telling me about everything.

CNY is just 2 days apart and why everytime i come home i have the feeling of rushing back to penang immediately? i feel more peaceful i feel better there. at least i wont get heart attack, my temper wont go up. i wont get angry seeing the two of you with fucking arguements. can you fucking stop it stop it stop it???????????????????????????
why do i always have to come back hoping that i can feel the love of family but got disappointed when i go back. tell me why.
is it so hard for you guys to stop all the mess.
CIBAI
I hate the two of you.
if i have the chance i would push all of the family members to death then I jump down myself.
do you wish to see the ending.
i tell you
you guys make me fucking insane i can do whatever that's in my head. i don't care about the consequence.

stop telling me anything because it doesn't hurt me at all it just feds me up .

i will get high blood pressure 2 years later or maybe i already have it now.

I AM SO SICK OF YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

CAN YOU FUCKING FATHER AND MOTHER STOP ALL THE MESS.....!

CAN YOU FUCKING STOP TELLING ME ANYTHING.

DO YOU KNOW I HAVE NO ONE TO TELL MY STORY.
I HAVE NO ONE TO LISTEN TO ME AND NO ONE TO COMFORT ME AND GOD IS NOT THERE FOR ME
CAN YOU PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME MAD AND DO STUPID THING.
GUESS WHAT
I FEEL LIKE DYING
NOT FOR THE BOTH OF YOU
BUT FOR THE SAKE OF MY LIFE.
IT'S EASIER AFTER DEATH.
CAN YOU GUYS ACTUALLY STOP THE FUCKING MESS

8.2.2010

2010-02-08T05:13:00.000-08:00

Haven't been updating anything because there's nothing to talk about.
Life's colourless because people around me don't make my life colourful.
Sad, isn't it?
Sigh.
Finally done all of the assignments. Both Macro and Micro.
It's time to relax! Well, study break is next week, which is on Chinese New Year. So I don't think I'm gonna read anything during CNY, I will be busy eating all the time. Heehee. After a week of break comes final exam. Sadness.

Wanna earn money and start doing something? It's tough.
I guess everything is the same. You want money, you gotta work for it. Nothing comes easy in our lives.
I should be graduating end of this year, but because of 3 papers, I've to prolong my course for another 6 months. Well, 2 subjects in short semester and only 1 in long semester. Fuck.
In Disted college, you don't get to resit, you only get to retake. Per subject is RM650-RM800.
The course fee of 24 subjects in 2years & 4months is already rm18000. Plus every semester resources fees of RM150 or RM250. Plus my accommodation fees (a lot) , and expenses of RM800(only food and shopping). PLUS my stupid failed papers. Sum up??? You count it yourself!

Sigh, life's tough but it's short. Life's like a movie, either you make it happy or sad. The choice is yours. hahahahahaa. Macro lecturer always says " the choice is yours"

Haylo

2010-02-03T07:26:00.000-08:00

Hello people, I'm in my new house now ^^ Like it and enjoy being in it.
Short semester is coming to an end. I haven't prepared for it. Like never.
Well...
This post.....
is gonna be a weird one....
My bf Allen Saw has been lying to me about small and big things since the day we got together on 9th November 2008.
I'm not satisfied with him and I'm quite fed up.
Whenever I ask, he'll treat it as nothing. and escape from my questions.
Fuck. I've had enough of it.
Enough of people telling me this and that. Although just small matters but I don't want him to lie. Not even a lie he can tell.
Fuck. He just never will understand how much I hate liars.
just escape and escape all the fucking time. I've had enough.

MCD

2010-01-27T03:53:00.000-08:00

Went to college earlier today for assignment. Printed out, went to do binding, then headed to MCD with Lynn to pack lunch back to class.
Then Microeconomics test. Wasn't quite satisfied with my results. Sigh! But who to blame when I didn't even revise!
After Micro came Macro until 6.30pm.
Lecturer dismissed earlier so I thought I could escape from the traffic congestion from my college to Jelutong. But I was all wrong. It was very heavy and my car couldn't move. I was stuck in the traffic jam for around 30mins still couldn't get moving. So I got fed up and made a turn to greenlane MCD! Luckily I brought my laptop to college today so that I can online here! And yes, I was forced to take MCD AGAIN for the internet. Sigh.
Stupid traffic!
Screwed my diet plan! (opps, I'm not on diet)

yeah~ Happy. I'm going back to my hometown tomorrow night and come back on Saturday to move all my things outta my hostel to new place ^^
Happy... Finally privacy that I've longed for is coming my way. Wooohooo~
= )
^^
Happy!! I will go for a walk every evening and do some exercise there
Diet plan will begin 1st of Feb!! I wish!!!

zzzzzzzz

2010-01-25T20:37:00.000-08:00

Saturday went to KL for a walk and the next day went to NP conference. So many people =.="
Went Times Square and got myself 2 dresses. So much cheaper compared to Penang dresses. Exactly the same stuff, RM60 in Penang and RM25 in KL. What the * right? Grrr...
We stayed in a hotel in china town.
It was quite boring because of all pirated goods which I wasn't interested in.
= ) I didn't get the chance to try good food bcuz of traffic congestion, we were too lazy to drive to other places. So ended up walking along the street then 11sth went back to hotel....

Yesterday went Prangin Mall after class.... Went to have Tomyam... Bought a jacket again. OMG I should stop spending!!! I think I've bought more than 10+++ new dressessssssssssssss

I'm back

2010-01-20T05:55:00.000-08:00

Haven't been really blogging for quite some time. Cuz I'm always busy with work and leisure. LOL
Well, nothing to talk about my mundane life. Basically, every day class ends at 6.30pm. When the time I get home and then take my dinner, it's already 9pm or 9pm++. Nothing much I can do at night.
Sigh, Macroeconomics assignment is waiting for me. Due date is 27th of January. After Macro comes Micro. Well, I find economic quite interesting.

Going to KL on Saturday...
Coming back on Sunday...
To attend some conference...
^^ Hope I will remember to take photos back.
I gotta get back to my MSN. Bye!

hello

2010-01-20T05:54:00.000-08:00

Hectic

2010-01-19T06:03:00.000-08:00

Couldn't online until now.....
zzzz....
2 assignments waiting for me...
My study break is during CNY.
Sigh.........

Summon

2010-01-17T09:27:00.000-08:00

I got summoned on the 15th of jan and I got another one today hahahahahahahaahaha
I suddenly feel that I'm really lucky. So instead of being upset, I laugh about it. hahahahaahahahaa.....

Sigh, many things I wish you could understand, but you never would. No matter how many times I tell you, you still don't understand what message I'm trying to pass to you. No matter how many times I tell you I don't like something, you still do.
Disappointed with you.
There's nothing worth to be remembered.
Seriously NOT S!

I hope I can get to overseas to further my studies soon. I'm graduating next year. And I'll either choose to be in Malaysia or overseas. At times I feel like staying, most of the time, is leaving.
There's nothing left to be remembered.

Gurney plaza

2010-01-15T07:48:00.000-08:00

I've always mentioned about how much I dislike Gurney.
I dislike it because it charges very high on parking. Even workers don't have their parking areas and have to pay as much as shoppers. Imagine the working hour. 10hours-12hours. Damn.
So I always park my car outside Gurney and beside an apartment because I think that people who are living in the apartment may not have enough parking places and they will park their cars outside. Why policemen have to give summons?
I don't see police writing summons beside any other apartments but why the apartment near to Gurney!
FUCK!
I don't care. I'm not gonna pay for it.
I got it once and I didn't pay for it. And this time, I'm not gonna pay either.
It's the same place, same job, and same summon! FUCK.

Relax

2010-01-13T06:44:00.000-08:00

Relax at home always after 6.30pm class..
Don't even feel like going out at all.
I'd been busy finding houses.
Now that I've found and signed contract with that owner, I'm all free.
I can sleep well now. Because I've a confirmed house to move in on 1st of February.
People, I'm so sorry for not being able to hang out because I feel very lazy to go out recently.
I like to stay home.

Valentine's on 1st day of New Year.
Sigh...
Sure no celebration again. I don't hope for anything either.....
because every hope is every disappointment.

I'm so free now.....
Weeeee~~~
Online doing nth....
Sigh.......
That stupid boy's phone still cannot use..
SHIT

Hesitation

2010-01-12T18:55:00.000-08:00

I hesitated for the whole night whether to rent this place - Kayangan Puri Mutiara. It's a fully furnished house. My friends have agreed to it except for me because I got frightened by my own driving skill.
Well, basically the place is up high, so we have to drive up to our house.
I nearly hit a car when my car went backward. Pheww~ Nearly.
I hesitated for the whole night whether to rent this place. I was afraid that my dad wouldn't agree to it because although this house provides me with 2 car parks, they are uncovered. So I gave him a call this morning and he said it's up to me. So ya, on, sign contract tonight and pay RM XXXX.
1st of February move in.
= )

Macro assignment waiting for me... but I haven't even touched it.
Ish~ Always worried about my new house, this and that........

Elated^^

2010-01-06T06:57:00.000-08:00

Hello people,

I'm moving out from Disted's hostel on 1st February.
I'm quite sure about it.
Yeppy~
Finally a smile on my face.

Soon soon.
I've found a good place. Just waiting for confirmation from agent.
Who wishes to rent a room?
Please find me.
I need 4 girls who can stay long term.

^^ I m gonna post up pics and info about it soon!!
^^

Uneasy 5/1/10; 8.45pm

2010-01-05T04:27:00.000-08:00

I'm feeling uneasy. Yes, that's the word to describe my situation now.
I don't feel like coming home; I don't feel like going out either.
Home is a place where we find secured. Home is the place to rest and to show our true colours. Home is where the heart is! But it's doesn't work on me anymore.
Cuz I feel so uneasy and awkward being here with someone new and unfamiliar.
She does nothing wrong to me, she is just fine. But I just don't fancy the idea of twin sharing.
I know the list goes on and on. Roommates come and go.
It's a must to meet new roommates for twin sharers.
I'm not complaining or gossiping anything bad about her.
I'm just expressing my feeling that
I feel uneasy.
And weird.
And awkward.
And hot.

Anyway, my above home means my hostel!

So I'm moving out on February to stay on my own.
It's better.
I'm looking forward to this day.
But I still can't find a suitable room.
Please help!

= (

I'm glad that all classes this semester start in the afternoon.
Hooray!
I can wake up later and no more skipping classes = )
Cuz I find it hard to wake up in the morning.
Went for the first day of classes today.
Subjects that I'm taking this semester are Microeconomics and Macroeconomics
Hope everything throughout this semester will be alright!

I'm sick now. I'm having flu and cough.
Last class dismissed at 6.30pm today.
I suddenly felt like trying Jenni's bakery's cake. So there I went.
Asked Janice how to get there but instead of explaining to me the route, she offered to lead me there by her car. Lynn followed.
I bought Blueberry cheese cake and Blueberry chocolate cake.

Due to heavy traffic congestion at that time and the callousness of the reality(stranger at home) , I decided to stop by a coffee shop nearby to have Char Kuay Teow. I bought chicken porridge for my supper as well!
Then I came back home and bathed myself then online and blog about my life..

Everything ends here.
Goodnight people.

Results taking day

2010-01-04T08:12:00.000-08:00

2nd and 3rd worked @ Giant as Xylitol sampling promoter. I know it sounds kinda weird to work as a sampling promoter!! haha. But who cares as long as the job is easy and the pay is okay!

Me in an oversized shirt!!

Koala bear!!! hahaaha! Guess who worked with me???

Hihi, it's Allen Saw! Hehe. He came to work for the sake of having fun with me.

4/1/2010 - today
Went to college to collect results! Phew!
3As but failed Micro(expected)
Have to retake = (
Sad!!
Now I am online in hostel's living room...
I am moving out on February but I still can't find a suitable room to rent.
When I find the room is suitable, it's toooo expensive. RM 600!!
When I find RM300-RM400, the room is like shit!!
HELP ME!!!!

1/1/2010 Happy New Year!

2010-01-01T00:41:00.000-08:00

It's 2010 finally! I had been waiting for it because 2009 sucked.
Allen still owes me 1year anniversary present, birthday present(Skin food SunScreen Protection is not counted bcuz I asked for it) and Christmas present!
Well, you're forgiven! You don't owe me anything now. I just hope that you perform better this year. Bcuz everything in 2010 must be awesome!

Yesterday went to Sunway Carnival, Butterworth to catch a movie "Alvin and the Chipmunks 2" with Allen. Hilarious! It's a short movie but funny!
We headed to MCD to have our dinner (again) then to Auto City. I asked him to make a U turn back to SP when we were on the way there because of heavy traffic congestion but he refused to do so and continued his journey.
Oh fine, wasted RM3 for the parking.
Auto City was packed with people.
If you've been reading my blog quite some time, you would know that I'm an extrovert who hates crowded and noisy places. Peculiar I may seem. But I am more to romance and tranquility. And that's the reason why I don't club! LOL.

Well well well. A brand new year with brand new wishes.
Let me list down what I've to accomplish in 2010

1. Work more, earn more. Target is to have 20k of saving! It may sound as if I were bullshitting or showing off. But people, strictly not bullshitting! 20k is the saving. The rest will be spent on vacation and clothes and not to forget about my favourite MCD(=.< winks).

2. Lose weight! Argh, I don't feel like talking anything about losing weight! LOL. Cuz I never succeeded! Food is HEAVEN!

So far only 2 wishes. Academic is not that important to me. I just wanna pass my Diploma. When you've Diploma, employers don't bother to look at your SPM results. When you've degree, employers don't bother to look at Diploma results. When you've master degree, you bring only that cert to apply for jobs. So yeah, why should I care about Diploma! You know I don't like to stress myself! = )

2,3,9,10 January = Chewing Gum promoter
15,16,17 Januray= London Weight, Yun Nam and New York Skin.
Then following weeks all will be working for LG Mobile event for about 1 - 2 months I guess? I hope I can commit all days.
24/1 supposed to go to KL, but because of LG Mobile job, I think I can't make it to KL.
Go KL = spend money
Stay in PG = earn money

I received a call this morning calling me togo to Gurney to work for some event. Huhu, I can't. Cuz I've promised the other agent(who pays me lower)to work for him! = ( But I can't break my promise.......So I just told him sorry... I cannot work......

I need more jobs. Feel free to contact me if you need any girls to work for any events. From show girl to promoter, from promoter to sales girl. I am okay with all!
= ) loveof2c-s@hotmail.com

27/12/2009; 12.45am

2009-12-26T08:41:00.000-08:00

Christmas eve sucked and 2009 Christmas sucked.
And then someone blamed me for not being with him on Christmas eve.
So this year instead of having fun with my friends at Genting and KL, I spent my Christmas eve with him at mamak stall eating nasi lemak!
Years before last year I was always busy decorating the church, practising carol and dances. Meaningful yet enjoyable. How I wish I could go back to that time! Seriously, I miss those times in church....
And yes, 2009 Christmas disappointment. Could have been to Genting and KL with friends!

I miss my christian life. Can I transform into a faithful Christian again?
I've been falling.. too deeply...
I'm not like a christian anymore...
I'm an atheist now....

What's religion to me??? STUPIDITY!
You craft an image of a person then start worshipping. hahaha!
Weird, isn't it? Might as well you be the God of that image because you're the one who created it! LOL.
So much of money and effort wasted, for what?
Faith healing purpose only!
zzzzz......

Time flies

2009-12-20T08:27:00.000-08:00

Time flies and it does. 2009 is coming to an end.
Sigh, I've grown older again.
If I could stop the time, I wish I had never grown up!
Left a year and 2 months to end my Diploma.
The reality of life will then begin.
Work or pursue degree?
I shudder at the thought of my future.
There are so much of responsibilities, so much of worries, and so much of things I've to figure out. All by myself. Independent.

Speaking of year 2009,
it's neither mundane nor interesting.
I remembered I had a list to be accomplished before 2009 ends.
Here it is:
The green ones were written on 15 December 2008, and the black ones represent my thoughts now.

1. Get thinner(I wanna be 35/24/35), prettier and fairer. So that no one will criticize I am fat again. I've been saying this for a decade! Never succeeded no matter how!
2. Earn a lot of money to go shopping or if possible, buy my own car. ( I wonder how I am gonna do that, my parents and bf doesn't allow me to work. I guess I am just too lucky to have my loved ones to keep me by their sides always.) Yes, I achieved my target! I've a lot of cash in hand and I've got a Myvi from my parents!
3. Get better results and make sure I pass all subjects. Well, so far I passed all! But for the last semester, I am not so sure about Micro Econs! Well, results will be out on January!
4. Start attending church services. Haven't been to church for months. I am a bad girl now:( Pls, lead me back to the right way. Nah, never attended any! LOL

So far only 5 wishes. Hope I can fulfill em'.

Written on December 15 2008.

Well, see......
Fulfilled some!!

I will have a better list next year!!

Weeee~~
Still on my holiday now.....
Everyday sleep until 3pm.....
Wish to go back to penang.....
Sigh~~
miss the place....
moving out next year february... finding a new place ^^

random thoughts

2009-12-13T08:56:00.000-08:00

It's my 1 month holiday. I enjoy waking up as late as 2pm everyday.
I'm so bored.
How I wish I could have someone to go travel with me right now.
Sadly, no one. My mom has 2 kids to take care of. I know those kids have grown up, but my mom still treats them as babies and shower them with too much of care which I find annoying!
It's weird to travel with a girl friend and overnight with her right? Unless we got a whole gang of friends together.
Malaysia is a boring place.

I've made up my mind to go overseas to further my studies whenever I get the chance.
My dad suggests that I go to US to complete my last year of studies then get a job over there and don't ever look back.
There's only a reason why I still choose to stay in Malaysia - I think I can't just leave my family behind although I wanna go so so so much....
My mom is sick(mentally and physically), my dad is sick(mentally) and my younger siblings will be sick because they have peculiar parents!
If they were all normal, I would not think twice about my plan to emigrate.

One thing I've learned is that women should never depend on men.
It's a life-learning thing not to have even a little trust on men.
Men are not trustworthy, they are liars; they speak what they're not capable of achieving in order to impress or make you happy; they make you happy for a second and then make you down for the next whole year; they don't care what you care about; they don't understand what you want; they find you when they need you and forsake you when they've things to do; they compare you to other women; they never count their blessings for having you; they don't give you a cent but restrict you from working; they don't surprise you; they're boring, when you talk, they say that you're noisy and when you don't, you feel bored. what can you do? A girl friend tends to share everything with her boyfriend. Just everything, about her lives, about what she's going through, who does she meet, how does she think of people around them. but some guys just can't take it and criticize his girl for criticizing people?
So what are bfs for?
Are bfs not supposed to be their gfs listeners?
Then I'm better off being single.

Speaking of my relationship,
well...
Sometimes what I yearn for is nothing something that he can give.
Things that he can give may not be the ones I want.
Complicated, isn't it?
Well, when I say "things", I don't just mean materials. I mean the care, the way he loves and the way he shows his love to me. Sometimes is not the way I want it to be..........

Promises

2009-12-09T01:36:00.000-08:00

People around me tend to break their promises always.
My parents always break their promises. They say something but never do it.
I hate it. If you can't do it, don't ever promise anything. Don't give me hope so that I won't feel disappointed.
There are even more broken promises when it comes to relationship.
"I love you forever and ever", "till love do we part", "I swear I'll be there all the time when you need me till the end".
I just flipped through my diary and found that I was so naive to believe in such promises.
Well, that was a few years ago when I was still in secondary school. Now I don't believe in true love anymore.
Every "I love you" will become every "hurt". 10 I love Us = 10 hurts.
So beware when someone says I love you to you!

Lies.
........................................................................................

= )

2009-12-08T09:32:00.000-08:00

It's been long since I last blogged.

yeah, so let me share a bit of my life.

4-6/12/2009

Pc fair!!!
Worked for MoneyKing Online Game on 4th December.
Here are some pictures. I couldn't find my proper shoot. = (

That's me in uniform pulling my skirt = ) LOL

Me registering for new player = )

5-6/12/2009

For some personal reason, I decided to stop working for MoneyKing and work for Kingston for the next 2 days.
It was great. Better salary and easier job scope.
My role was to help customers to redeem their gifts =)

7/12/2009

My birthday, thank you everyone for the birthday wishes. Too many wishes. Don't know how to reply = ) Thanks yeah~~
Nothing special. Because I never treated my birthday as something special. It's just another random day. I don't celebrate. I don't do anything except for shopping alone and got myself a few dresses and a skirt and a new belt. I'm contented although I spent a lot of money that day.
Then night went for BBQ steamboat with my bf...
Ended up got a few burns on my hand because my corn kinda like burst out=.="
What a birthday present!
Pictures later okay. Cuz my bluetooth keeps on failing = (
Well, no surprises as usual. I am used to it anyway = )
No guys ever surprised me. . .
I don't hope too much...

That's all for this time... Pictures of my poor hand will be uploaded soon = )

2009-11-30T07:23:00.000-08:00

holiday d...yeah....
today micro paper...
didn't know how to do the essay question! 30 % weih!!! I was counting marks in the exam hall.. i think i cannot get more than 50 %... sure fail d....!!!
I need to get around 60 in order to pass.....
hai~~~
god bless me okay....

now i m free... to shop and do whatever i like....
= )
yeppy~

Relax

2009-11-26T06:34:00.000-08:00

Went to Queensbay to watch 2012 just now...
@@"
This week is exam week.
Done 3 papers, 1 more to go, which is Micro.
= ( tired...
I sleep only 5 hours everyday this week. Not for studies, but for some fun online...games, forums, facebook~
So tired now...
I thought I could rest after Micro paper but no, I have to go Genting at night = (

Well, nothing much to blog about recently as nothing interesting ever happened.
The thing I'm very upset about is that I realised that I'm ageing = ( How sad.. My upper eyelids are becoming more and more saggy. The same goes to my eye bags. Well, they aren't too obvious though. But they look swollen every morning. Damn it!
I still remembered that my face used to be really oily and have lotsa pimples.
But my face is dehydrated now because I'm ageing! but no more pimples.
I'm going to take good care of my skin before it's too late! Seriously!
I think the reason why my upper lids are a bit yellowship is because last time I used to work as a beauty consultant and was forced to apply eyeshadow. I didn't remove my make up sometimes! hahahaa. Just washed with facial wash.
Uh, job obligation. What to do? I admit that my make-up skills suck and always got complaint from colleages about not putting enough of make up or my eyeshadow colours are not applied evenly. LOL

My friends always ask me on MSN about the skin care I use. And people always say that I apply very thick layer of make-up, that's why my skin is so fair! @@
So here it goes,
Um, skin care?? basically nothing right now. Nothing for a few months d. Cuz nothing seems to suit me. I'll try hunting for something!

When I go out, I apply
lotion or sunscreen. NO foundation, NO powder, NO eyeliner(I ban eyeliner), NO eyeshadow! The most is mascara, but rarely.. Believe it, I bought a small tube of mascara since I was in form 4, and I'm using it till now! Like today, I applied sunscreen and covered my dark circles with bb cream before going out. Refer to picture above = ) Not even mascara. Like naked! So please don't say that I apply very thick of make-up kay = ( I don't, and I don't like to be blamed.

When I go shopping, I apply
Lotion or sunscreen and use bbcream to cover my dark circles, cuz I'm very stingy okay, I don't wanna spend money on concealer. LOL. Sometimes I do apply bb cream over my whole face, but rarely because my skin gets too dry after applying any cosmetics.

When I work, I apply,
Lotion or sunscreen or Bb cream. and yea, mascara and a lil bit of blusher. Cuz scared agents scold me why don't bother to make up.

That's all = ) So you call that heavy? = ( uh~

Final exam.

2009-11-21T07:17:00.000-08:00

What I'm doing now is thinking about the fun I'm going to have after exam instead of what I should prepare for exam. LOL
I'm always like that...
No mood to study...
Fool around all the time...
Spend money....
Eat...
That's why I'm so fucking fat...
Grrr...
I'm seriously going to start dieting after my exam....! hahahhahhahhahahahahha
Don't laugh cuz it sounds a bit funny.
LOL. Holiday then New Year weih, must eat more....! hahahaha.....
zzzzzzzz
zzzzzzzzzzzzz
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Someone pls tell me I have to study....

I am so outdated. I havent watched 2012...All becuz of him..... Always make me outdated.....!
Don't know what to comment about you also, Allen saw!
Seriously, why did you quit ur job so soon???????!!!!! For that NP thingy! Urgh........Whatever la.................................................................

So suffering when I don't get to eat nice and spend extravagantly.........

cb

2009-11-16T09:06:00.000-08:00

Went KFC to have my supper and his dinner just now ~~
hehehe~~

Tooks some pictures there ^^

Been eating a lot,
ahem,
my diet plan?
Never gonna succeed!

Exam is coming soon.
I opened Management book, prepared to study.
Read 2 pages only I fell asleep for 3 hours =.="
Then woke up to play facebook games..
Then took my dinner, after an hour, took my supper @ KFC.
Tell me how can I be not fat!
Lol..

I hate my eyebags and dark circles.
They are so obvious whenever I smile! Especially eyebags!
Help me anyone. Which product to use?
No matter how adequate of rest I have, eyebags and dark circles never seemed to get away!
Now that I'm ageing, my eyelids are becoming more and more saggy, I'm afraid that my eyebags will too sag one day! I need botox! LOL.
I hate myself in pictures, my eyelids look obvious in real life; but in pictures, they look almost none. I don't know why! Gr!

I really need to start studying sometime soon!
But no, I wanna watch 2012 on Wednesday kay.
Everyone has watched except for me, I don't wanna feel outdated!
= ( Someone, help!!!! Give me the motivation to start studying and never feel sleepy after 2 pages!

zzzz

2009-11-13T07:14:00.000-08:00

Sorry for not updating my blog for so long.
I have been busy with working.
Worked for LG Homedec Roadshow on 6,7,8 November.
It was tiring because I had to wear heels for 8 hours =="

And yea, now I'm having my study break then final exam.
I'll work for PC fair on December then go to Genting with my mom and siblings. Hopefully can go to KL to shop~
yeah~ I'll make it!

Stupid!!!!!

2009-11-03T22:47:00.000-08:00

I'm horrendously stupid today!
There's no class today but I woke up earlier than usual to have breakfast with Allen then sent him to Jetty.
I planned to go back to bed when I reached home but changed my mind to go to college to get my notes printed out since it was already 11.45am.
So I brought papers and happily waited for the driver downstairs.
I was feeling marvelous because I finally got the mood to get my notes printed out and ready for my final exam after 3 months of laziness!
19 more days to my final exam, cut off 3 days because I'm working on Friday, Saturday and Sunday = 16days.

I need to finish 2 thick books - Management and Microeconomics!
Yes, fucked-up Micro! I would have fucked you if I could!
Micro, I hate you because you aren't fun to read! How I wish you were more interesting so that I wouldn't have to skip Micro classes everyweek and scored only 10.5 marks outta 50 marks for my quiz 2!

Urgh!

2009-10-31T07:09:00.000-07:00

One more job this coming Fri, Sat and Sun @ Pisa.
LG home dec roadshow = )
Don't ask me what I do, cuz it's a secret. Haha.

Left 3 more weeks to final exam.
I'm a bit scared and regret for not paying attention during Microeconomics class. Seriously never listened even a modicum.
I got only 10.5marks outta 50 marks for my Quiz 2.
I don't know a thing about Micro. What's it?
Now I've to study it on my own.
The same goes to other 3 subjects.
Sigh~

Is this photo that weird? LOL.
Cuz Lynn asked me what face is this when she saw it! Hahaha.
Faced constipation ma~~~~
LOL.

Fire!!!!!

2009-10-25T08:09:00.000-07:00

I went to bed at 11pm last time because I was exhausted after a long day of work.

Just when I was having my sweet dream, my housemate knocked my door.

I didn't know what happened and continued to sleep until I heard a louder and nervous knock!
I knew that something bad had happened when she knocked that hard.

Gosh, I smelled smoke and gas when I opened my door, she then told me our apartment was on fire! It was 1am!
Damn it, I faster dragged myself up from my bed and walked down through the stairs.
F*ck, I wanted to sleep okay!?
Grr.

We were waiting~

An uncle got injured. Not that serious though.

Then the next day, which is today, I went to work as usual.
Then my colleague asked me why were my eyes swollen every morning?
LOL. Lack of rest of course.

Taken before going to work.

Taken in the toilet.

Lynn and I. Click to enlarge for clearer view.

Me again, this one is too blur = (

More photos are with agent, will get it from her soon.
Some funny photos and serious photos might be posted up to ezjoy.com.my by agent. haha. Hopefully not. LOL.

I've a job @ Pisa next week.
Oops, final exam is looming around the corner and apparently I've forgotten about it.

Alright, tomorrow presentation! Have to go to bed. Dog-tired, really!

Online game job~

2009-10-23T07:33:00.000-07:00

Me with my very light make-up before work. I only know how to apply mascara. LOL. I suck at being a girl. Somehow I wish I had a penis! LOL.

Work again in Queensbay.
Some online game thingy.
So tiring.
Wear high heels for the whole day.
haha...
Glad that Lynn can work with me.
Last minute agent couldn't find another show girl, I faster dragged Lynn along!!!!
Yeeeepy~
Grrrr....
All the other thinner girls have taken M size for their roadshows in KL or JB.
Left S for us.
A big OMG. hahaha.
Luckily I can still fit in S coat. The provided little tiny piece of skirt is just like tube. So we wear our own white skirt!!! I hate my white skirt! Urgh~~~
Wear high heels and stand for whole day... 8 hours!!!!
Haih~~~Pay is not bad~~~ RMxxx....

The uniform, but it's so blur cuz of that stupid camera~~Exposes my stomach~ lalala~ Lynn wears spegetti stripe that I borrowed her cuz the tube that she brought was too short~ So I wear short tube.
Nice or not uniform????

Hopefully can get photos from agent. Cuz her camera rocks. She took a few of my photos, including close-up... nice lightning. OMG, she must be a good photographer~

Next month, nippon paint promoter... Maybe won't work last minute. who wants to replace me please queue up first.
RM 100 per day, 8 hours.
Please leave me comment if you want to work ~

hahahahahahahahhaha

2009-10-20T00:12:00.000-07:00

Some people are just plain funny as they got nothing better to say me they purposely find fault in me.
You know ah?
People in college, I don't know who, spread around that I masturbate 3 times a day and don't believe that I'm still a virgin.
and fortunately, I've become their topic.
ahahah.
eh, got nothing better to say me is it?
ahhahaha.
3 times a day.
hahahahaha. I got a roommate and she can be the witness whether I do masturbate 3 times a day or not.
And whether I'm still a virgin or not is obviously none of your concern.
It's my personal life.
Then you can ask my housemates la, my bed is very noisy one. when you move abit only got sound effect d! I sleep and turn around only got sound d! wtf!
So you go and ask them when my bf comes over, whether they hear the sound of the moving bed or moans or not.
WTF, got nothing better to say ah???
can say me fat, say me stupid, say me anything also can.Say me bitch when I do nothing wrong also nvm. hahahaha.
hahahahahahahaha.
say me masturbate 3 times a day, therefore, I'm not a virgin.
Eh, your statement is wrong already, excuse me.
If I'm not a virgin and I've sex damn frequently, then why do I need to masturbate???
You are contradicting yourself, aren't you?
hahahahaa.
Just in case you don't understand the meaning of contradict, it's 自相矛盾 baby!
If I masturbate 3 times a day means I don't want to have sex so I need to masturbate myself la! If I have sex d I need to masturbate ah?
CONTRADICTION! LOL!
Both predictions are wrong.
Masturbation is weird and sex is a taboo to me.
Understand what's taboo or not?
Taboo means TAK BOLEH.
Wtf you all.
say me fat, say me ugly, say me dark.
No need to find fault in me and say that I masturbate 3 times a day therefore I am not a virgin.hahahahahahahahahah.

Go and ask my housemates or roommate whether they hear any moans or sound effects when my bf comes over.
GOGOGOGOGO! Wtf man......
LOL....

Go and ask all my ex bfs. Whether I did fuck with them. I'm sure they'll tell you. Go and ask them and they might slap you in the face and say stop talking nonsense, Catherine is open-minded when she speaks but her actions are actions of the conservatives.
Catherine is always talking nonsense and bullshitting. Many things I say aren't real.
Go and ask my bf how many times how many jokes I crack with him.
Including lying to him that I betray him la, fuck with other guys la....whatever shit la..... that I bleed la, then fall down into drains la....whatever shit!
But he laughs about it because he knows that I'm not that kind and I'm constantly joking about EVerything. hahahahaha
please la.....ridiculous.....!

hahahahaa!
And my roommate's matter is a matter of us. Not yours. And it's not your turn to judge! Actually it's nothing between us and you guys make things worse by spreading things around and gossiping.
You guys overheard my conversation with my best friend in class- lynn didn't prove that I was betraying my roommate. If I were to betray her, I would have done it months ago. What do you guys know about her actually?? Except for the recent case.
Nothing right? When you know nothing before this then it already proves that I'm not a betrayer. Stupid. If I were a betrayer I would have told the whole class everything about her months. But did I???! Even until now you guys still don't know why and how and why and why! Did I say a thing even now I'm called a bitch ?????Now I'm blamed for being a betrayer.
Excuse me, Lynn already knows everything as my roommate already told her, so what's wrong with discussing and talking things with her.
You guys overheard it cuz we were too loud! We did not do it on purpose!
Think la, don't be so funny la.
Some more at last I become you guys' topic.
hahahahahaha.
Thank you, I am so famous!

When it's none of your business, don't be nosey, busy bodies!
Don't make things worse.
None of your business.

Outrageous behaviour!

2009-10-18T08:25:00.000-07:00

I am an outspoken person as mentioned always.
My reputation means so much to me and it can never be destroyed.
Truth cannot be controverted.
When the truth is revealed, the one who holds the truth will win.
Who started the fire will have to stand the heat as I'm burning it high with truths that I hold.
Who chose to mess with me will have to got what it takes to mess with Catherine.

I've been very meticulous about my own reputation.
Whatever I do, I think of my future, I think of my reputation.
I'm a woman of truth.
Whenever I speak, I speak the truth.
I don't add salt or pepper into things that I know.
I don't exaggerate things except for exaggerating how dark and fat I am.

I can be a secret keeper but I still have my own right to comment about what I think of your behaviour. Everyone has their rights to comment about things they think is good or bad.
I say that someone is bad just because I simply cannot accept her/his action. It doesn't mean that I'm spreading anything outta my mouth.
But when I don't spread but am blamed for spreading secrets, then my reputation is destroyed, you think I will just sit there and wait for my reputation to deteriorate by untrue rumours and moonshine?

Excuse me, keeping quiet when my reputation is being destroyed is so not Catherine!
Catherine is outspoken, remember?

People, just come mess with me.
Remember there was one anonymous, who came to my blog and started to give disdainful comments. What did she get after that? She never ever dared to surf my blog again! Soon, you will get what it takes!

Good luck!

There's no point protecting someone who destroyed me anymore.
I was plain silly but now I see!

Who started it, I will clear it.
Weeeeee~

Damn it

2009-10-17T06:06:00.000-07:00

is me..... weeeeee~~~~~

Went to the police station after class on Thursday.
Walked around the Petani Road police station to ask about my summon.
I wanted to see the head of police so lynn and I decided to take lift up to first floor because we were wearing skirt.
Strangely, the policeman at the information counter asked us to take the stairs.
So we did.
Then there was one policeman, he quickly followed us and rushed up. hahha.
So we ran up the stairs as well.
We were wearing mini skirt.

So we walked around first floor, hoping that I could find someone who had the authority to give me discount for my summon.
Sadly none because the head of police was absent that day.
LOL.
Damn.
First, the summon was rm70 and no discount could be given.
Fine, RM70 then.
Just when we were walking down to G floor to settle my payment, an indian from god-knows-where without uniform followed us and he asked me what was the matter with me.
I told him I wanted discount for my summon and he asked me to see Mr. Rashid.
So we went up again and couldn't find Mr.Rashid as he was having his break time I reckoned.
Then the Indian asked us to ask all the leaders in a room.
They told me my summon cost only RM 30.
haha
So happy....
then faster run down to pay....
just when we were walking down the stairs, MR.Rashid appeared.
Haha, I guess that Indian man made an effort for him to meet us.
Then he asked me what happened. I said I am just a student and wanted discount for my summon..... RM30 can discount ah??? student only ma.....
no money....then showed him my student card. He peeped at my legs for a second. hahahaha. then he asked LYnn whether she was from China. hahahahaa. WTF man........Then he asked me whether Lynn was my sister.
Hahaha.
then chatted for a while......
lalalalaalalla~
happy girl on earth.
he said help me to settle the summon and no payment is needed!
Collect the receipt on Wednesday.

hahahaha. so happy.
but feeeeel weird.
Lynn is worried whether all the policemen will conspire to gang rape me..
then I told my father about it.
My father reassured me that things like that don't happen in police station. They might lose their job if I sue them. only happens one in a million ^^ yeeeeepy.........
then i will bring a guy friend with me that day.....
and i will be save....
hahaha.....................

the funny thing is lynn is quite mad at the policeman for saying she looks like chinese from China. hahahaa.
Hai yo take it easy.
I kena more than you okay!
like.....5 times..... ahahahaha...
even when I worked in gurney people asked me whether i m from malaysia.......
i straight away answer her.... ya....why? you think i m from china ah
hahahahaha
she then said.....ya.....why? people told you before is it?

wtf wtf
lynn...........dont mad hahahahaha

story ended.

SAVE ME!!!! HELP!!!!

2009-10-11T06:44:00.000-07:00

I forked out RM 300 to pay for my apartment's parking lot.
I paid excessive electricity bill by using my OWN money.
My mom decided to give me less allowance since I'm working.
Don't forget I've to pay for my own 5 meals everyday, fill up petrol fuel and eat MCD. MCD very expensive okay!
I still need to fork out RM550 to sign in as a member of Naturally Plus(direct sales thingy)
My contact lenses are expiring soon. I need to purchase 3 other pairs.

My life's fucked up now.
Salt added on my wound.
*Oooouchhh*
I bloodly got summoned for parking my car somewhere where everyone else parked and never got summoned.
Gurney, I curse you for charging so much on parking fees.
Gurney, you made me park my car outside in order to save money but got summoned as a return.
Gurney, I CURSE YOU!

How I wish prince charming would appear every time when I've to face with obstacles.
Too bad, prince charming only appears when I build castles in the air.
= (
God, please don't ever prolong the date of giving prince charming to me.
Please.....

Weeeeeee~

2009-10-08T04:26:00.001-07:00

Skipped today's class.
Test and presentation tomorrow.
So unprepared.
Work on Sat and Sun.
This time work for New York Skin Solution as well.
^^
Wish me luck.

Bye.....

Done my job

2009-10-05T01:59:00.000-07:00

2 days job.
done it.
and it was bad.
bad sales.
stingy customers.
earned little.
fell sick.

saturday morning my dad drove the old car to penang.
new car has arrived at home.
he then took a bus back.
due to my job i can only go back next week to see my car.
I am a reckless driver.
dangerous~
Allen Saw scolds me everytime I drive.
Instead of teaching me he scolds me.
so i told him to sit on my car's roof and dont bother about my driving skill.

my dad rocks because he plays facebook.
He told me last night thru MSN and I sent him :" hahahahahahahahahha, WEIRD!"
My god.
faint.
@_@"

Need to work this saturday and sunday.
and I hope i dont get fever.
now I m suffering from sore throat, flu and cough.
zzzz
i hate gurney plaza because i dont know where to park my car!
whole day is rm9.6 to park outside. if park in gurney it's gonna cost more than that. !!!!!!!!

i love MCD...
I took it the day before yesterday and yesterday.
mcd chicken yummy~ YUMMY!