Takes one to know 1

you will never know how it feels until you really feel it yourself.
life sucks.
we all have to learn the hardway!
god damn it.
i just wish to disappear from this country to somewhere better and start a new life. seriously! sick of this place.
i have been saying this for god-knows how many times. being unrealistic knowing that i cant escape yet! i still have about 2 semesters to go before my diploma ends. no matter what, i have to make my life colourful. start painting my life with colours instead of stopping there whining about how awful and miserable my life is.
i gotta do something! i gotta do something!

Life

This post is all gonna be about "life".
I often rant about my imperfect life but today I'm gonna tell you how unfair life is when it comes to relationship.

I've had a lot of experiences and my experiences have taught me a great lesson.

I was treated callously, no chance given for me to prove myself. Why should I give you a chance to prove yourself which you just failed more than 5 times after you said you would change.
I was not forgiven for little mistakes I made, why should I forgive you for your serious offence?

Things that you did cannot be tolerated by anyone.

The wrong man

A relationship is about 2 persons.
To me, it's about the right man.
I've failed this part.
Because I've not dated the right man.
Foolish enough, I only found out more than a year later.
Foolish enough to be fooled for so long.
I'm the one who always warns my girls not to ever get into a relationship with the wrong man, but I'm doing it myself.

All I wanna do now is to leave my country and start a new life overseas. I want every shit to stop and change. How I wish my parents were filthy rich so that they could send me there anytime, anywhere I want. Too bad, I'm not a princess, I can't rule their mind. My family is chaotic, I wonder when it's coming to an end. I wish never. But what I can say to control my parents. Nothing!! It's useless.

Everything seems not right and I just....
don't wanna care anymore....

final is coming soon, I'm just gonna study and make sure I pass all subs, make sure I don't delay my graduation anymore so that I can leave faster!!!!!!

It's late.

It's late now. 12.18am.
I'm feeling empty, lost, scared, and just cold.
I wanna know what's wrong with me?
Why am I not afraid of death at all?
Why am I so pessimistic about the world, my life and just everything around me?
It's creepy, I can feel the emptiness in my heart. It's creeping my heart outta me.
I wonder, when can I find real happiness?
It's been too long since I ever felt occupied.
Nobody knows how it feels.
Nobody knows what I'm going through.
Because I remain silent, and I choose to conceal my sadness.
Yes, I try not to complain about anything anymore, because there are much more people in this world, suffer more than I do. My pain is not painful.

Sigh...
I need real happiness.
I need to feel secured and loved.
I demand for nothing more than just love.
Love me, care for me, shower me with attention.
That's all I want now.
I'm not just talking about relationship love.
I'm talking about an an awesome love from God, from my parents, and lastly, from a man whom I can trust in.

hi I'm back

Abandone my blog for quite some time. But realised there're still some people who visit my blog everyday. So yeah, I will continue to blog once I finish my final exam. I'll try to take photos, make my blog interesting. and I'll edit my blog pictures, pattern and layout and everything too!

Life's been sucked-up. Many things happened. My relationship...my family...
well, shouldn't be telling my problems in public. So, let it go. I guess I'm still feeling happy.

Anyway, I've been quite free recently. Cuz I don't accept jobs anymore. Tired of working! LOL. But I think I still have event coming up end of the month! I've been loyal to my company more than a year, gonna work for it and reject other jobs.

Just realised, final exam left 3 weeks. Gotta start revising for 4 subjects. Never paid attention in classes for this semester. I'm like so dead. No, I shouldn't say that I'm dead. Because at the end of the day I'll still be able to do great IF I start studying now...

Life's complicated isn't it??
When you're confident, people say that you're arrogant. When you're happy with your life and happy with everything, people say that you're too easily satisfied with yourself. Perasan, siok sendiri.. ETC.
When you're not confident and often complain and whine about your mistakes and life, people say that you're an asshole who's always complaining about every single, doesn't know how to appreciate anything...
SO, teach me what to do now???

So I've learnt a new way to cope with this, is to be silent. Don't defend and just keep quiet. Say anything you like, think anything you like.
I live a life of myself, not yours.
Life has ups and downs.
I've great times but I still demand for greater life. That's because I believe there's still room for improvement. I wanna make it better.
I've bad times and I complain about it. That's because I want myself to know that I don't like bad times and I want better times. I complain, express my feelings.

Well, I've also learned that, complaining doesn't work. But it's just an expression of how I feel in there. Sometimes friends are not there, and I just can express it through facebook statuses. Sometimes I don't wanna tell people what's wrong, I just keep quiet and be emo on facebook...

I seriously hope that I can leave Malaysia soon and get a better life overseas. Since there's no one else here to stop me from going anymore.
A cheating bf won't stop me, chaotic family won't stop me either.
I just want a new life, new environment, and new friends. That's all

byeye~

Leaving Sp to pulau pangkor tomorrow. brought very normal shirts only... not planning to take a lot of pictures there.. cuz i want everything to be simple = )
i have abandoned my blog for quite some time. a lot of things happen actually. just that i dont feel like writing = p so forget it