Wednesday, March 25, 2009

very upset!

SERIOUSLY, I AM GONNA STARVE MYSELF.
I DON'T CARE IF I DIE AFTER 20 DAYS.
I *UCKING HATE MYSELF
I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF
I HATE LIFE I HATE MY LIFE I *UCKING HATE MY LIFE.
WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY CAN'T ANYONE UNDERSTAND ME
WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY
WHAT SHOULD I DO
WHAT CAN I DO I HATE MYSELF I WANNA KILL MYSELF I WANNA FIND A WAY TO DIE I WANNA DIE I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF. *UCKED UP LIFE.
WHY CAN'T ANYONE KNOW WHAT I WANT
WHY IS LIFE SO HARD TO LIVE ! I DON'T WANNA LIVE I AM VERY DEPRESSED I AM VERY VERY LOST I AM VERY ANGRY I M FEELING DISORIENTED I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I FEEL LIKE CUTTING MYSELF AND I WANNA SEE MY BLOOD.
I WANNA MAKE MYSELF SUFFER I WANNA TORTURE MYSELF
I DON'T CARE IF I WILL STILL BE LIVING BECAUSE LIFE IS TRIVIAL LIFE IS MEANINGLESS LIFE SUCKS LIFE IS FULL OF CRAPS LIFE IS FUCKING EVIL LIFE IS MAKING ME TO BE REALLY SICK .
WHERE AM I,WHERE'S MY SOUL, I WANNA TORTURE MYSELF
NO ONE EVER SEES THE REAL ME I HAVE BEEN COVERING MYSELF WITH A MASK FOR YEARS. WHEN CAN I TAKE THAT DOWN. NO ONE EVER UNDERSTANDS MY FEELINGS NO ONE EVER LOVES ME NO ONE EVER DID. I HATE MYSELF WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY AM I ON THIS EARTH. NO ONE EVER KNOWS HOW I REALLY FEEL INSIDE. NO ONE EVER SEES THE TRUE ME. NO ONE EVER KNOWS I AM DEPRESSED DEEP DOWN IN MY HEART ALTHOUGH I MAY SEEM CHEERFUL. I HATE MY LIFE I HOPE I AM NOT LIVING I AM JUST A JUNK I AM USELESS I AM NOTHING WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY IS LIFE SO HARD TO LIVE WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY I FEEL LIKE DYING I FEEL LIKE DYING
I WANNA CUT MYSELF BY USING A KNIFE I WANNA CUT MYSELF I WANNA SEE MYSELF BLEED I AM MORE HAPPY THAT WAY I WANNA CUT MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I AM FUCKING ANGRY WITH MYSELF WHY AM I LIKE THAT WHAT AM I SAYING WHY AM I ACTING LIKE THIS I HATE MYSELF FOR BEING SO EMOTIONAL I AM GONNA CUT MYSELF BECAUSE I AM STUPID I REALLY AM I AM REALLY INSANE I AM CRAZY I DON'T DESERVE A LIFE I WANNA DIE I WANNA DIE I AM GONNA TORTURE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF
I HATE MY MASK WHEN CAN I TAKE IT DOWN AND START LIVING FOR MYSELF BUT NOT THE OTHERS. WHEN WHEN WHEN WHEN WHEN WHEN WHEN WHEN WHEN WHEN WHY AM I LIKE THIS..................................

9 comments:

jkwanness said...

GOD STILL LOVES YOU!

~Catherine's imperfect life~ said...

Oh I hope that's true..... :)
I really want his love

AhXin said...

before god loves u,
u should love yourself.
=)

dummy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
dummy said...

"~My imperfect Life~"
there u hav it,u already said it long time ago
life can never b perfect yet that wasnt a reason to be hating it or hating your self
i dunno what happened though but everything that happened is for a reason so just b patient n b strong n keep on living
if u were wearing a mask like wat u said juz take it off anytime n let your own self shine like never b4
im sure u will feel more comfortable without a mask n others will feel more close to u
"want a rainbow? it must b raining first"

EuEu said...

Good thing u wrote it all out and not keep it inside =)

I got to compliment you for the post though. It's so long but never lacks continuity.

~Catherine's imperfect life~ said...

Eugene: I find no reason to love myself. I don't even understand myself. So I don't blame those who fail to understand me.

Dummy: People like to be around me because of this mask. I am cheerful and I bring happiness to the others. So they like to mingle with me. But I am very depressed and empty inside of me. It's like, I don't feel like I am living for myself but I am living for other people. I care too much about how people judge me.

EuEu: I wrote that when I was really upset. but after letting it out I felt so much better ^^

Everlyn Chiang said...

U're hating urself??
Cheh...u stil hv ur bf 2 luv u...
Im the 1 who shud hate u, k?

U're pretty, smart n rich.
N hv a bf who sayang u.

Dun say useless things like hating urself lah...==

Hehe^^

~Catherine's imperfect life~ said...

hehe.....
okok.........
^^