I am back from Singapore

Back few days ago but was too lazy to blog.
even now I am lazy to type things. Let all the pictures speak for me.
I didn't take a lot of pictures because I looked so horrible with my dark circles and fat eye bags=.=" somemore I look so fat in pictures. Fat in real life. Fatter in pictures... uh..... sorry okay!!! I promise I will get thin and then take many many photos the next time when I go there.. heheh...
deal? I won't upload all pictures that I have taken okay? Know what's laziness? know right? smart! Pictures are not clear bcuz my digital camera sucks. it's 6.1 megapixel and it sucks more than my phone does. hehehe... some more battery finished after taking a few pictures.. wth man

See, my kiddy way of dressing up.....

orchard road

On the way to hell

Merry Christmas圣诞节快乐。

Wish you all Merry Christmas first cuz I will be leaving to Singapore tomorrow so I don't get to wish you all on that day:(
Celebrate Christmas? Make sure you know the meaning of celebrating it. Or else it's almost useless... hehe....

Feel so sorry for my darling cuz I can't celebrate it with him and I'm not sure whether I can receive calls or smses there....
Sorry plz forgive me:(
I will miss you okay?

Bye, I will be back^^

SO Pissed off

I am so pissed off right now!!!!!!
My parents are so horrible!!!
The stupid old car is 10 years old and they don't allow me to drive out alone!!!! And the car is only stupid wira!!! such a lousy car somemore 10 years already........ stingy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I got my license for months already yet I don't get to drive alone!!!
They want me to be a perfect driver but don't give me the chance to practice!!
I guess they don't know practice actually makes perfect?
Shallow them!!!!!
How can I be perfect without practice!!
So damn angry!!!

I banged my house's piano and the door just now=.="
So angry.... can't control my temper.....!!!
I think I will get high blood pressure at the age of 30 and die of heart attack at the age of 35 if I continue to stay in this house for another 10years!!!!
Must buy insurance so that at least I can contribute some money to my parents when I die!
Uh....
That's why I always wanna earn money money money money money!!!!
Money is all I need now!!!
When I have money I will be able to buy my own car and I can drive out anytime I want!!!!!
Why ain't I born in a very well-off family....!!! Why do I have to be their kid???
I guess if they were given a chance, they wouldn't want me to be their daughter as well! I guess life's just so unfair and complicated..
We always don't get what we want in life.......

My dream guy

The title must have given you a hint about what I am gonna post.
My dream guy.
Simply means that he only appears when I dream:(

It's a sure thing for everyone to have a target set in their minds about what they want in their partners and who they are looking for. Me either.

First, he must be
1. Caring, understanding, loving, romantic, respective and sweet.
2. Must be tall , the best is fair too. Do not have to be handsome, but pls don't be ugly.
3. Must stay calm even when problems are heading his way. Must be smart enough to solve all by himself but not giving up. Do not show his temper easily but use his wisdom to settle problems.
4. The best is a faithful Christian who goes to church everyweek and put what he learns into practice.
5. The best is a virgin. I hate guys who fool around with girls. No disco or clubbing(it's alright if you go just to socialise but you're not allowed to leer at sexy girls or have one stand stand! STRICTLY PROHIBITED!! HAHAHAH. HIV weih, I don't wanna get HIV or Aids), no smoking( I don't wanna die of lung cancer cuz I'm forced to be second-hand smoker if my man smokes. Wanna die? Please die yourself, don't bring me along. I still have a bright future ahead of me:P ),no heavy consumption on alcoholic drinks (Can drink but not until drunk, cuz you might never know what you will say and act after being drunk),
6. Sit me down and tell me my mistakes instead of throwing tantrums. Do not keep problems in heart, share em' to me. Do not scream at me, pls kiss me and tell me everything is alright when I am sad. Pls kiss me even when I am angry at you cuz it calms my heart a little. Always assure me that you love me and need me by your side. Always hold me in your arms.
7. Possess a good academic qualification. or at least educated. I don't like my man to be shallow. It's hard to communicate with morons.
8. BE GENTLEMAN and NO ego!
9. Must be from a loving family background. I hate shouting and curses.
10. Girls love surprises and you should know when to give em' right?

Will I be able to meet my dream guy? hehehe...

Alo, holiday is ending soon and new semester is gonna start on 5th January. Results will be out on 5th.... :(
I am failing Accounts for sure..
What else?
Hopefully all pass except for Accounts but it's almost impossible to fail only Accounts.
Just wait for the news about my results okay?

Holiday has been monotonous,
Sleep, eat, online, hang out then sleep.... << style="color: rgb(255, 204, 0);">My wishes for year 2009.
1. Get thinner(I wanna be 35/24/35), prettier and fairer. So that no one will criticize I am fat again.
2. Earn a lot of money to go shopping or if possible, buy my own car. ( I wonder how I am gonna do that, my parents and bf doesn't allow me to work. I guess I am just too lucky to have my loved ones to keep me by their sides always.)
3. Get better results and make sure I pass all subjects.
4. Start attending church services. Haven't been to church for months. I am a bad girl now:( Pls, lead me back to the right way.

So far only 5 wishes. Hope I can fulfill em'.

Girls, be wild!

I wonder why guys are always the ones who ask for sex but not girls?
We are all human beings and we are born with sexual desire!
Why silly people make it sound like only guys need sex but not girls?

Girls, be wild! take the first move ! Don't let guys feel superior!
Go fuck your guys 10 times a day, gogogo!
hahaha.......!

SEX~

Guys,
I seriously need your answer, pls leave comments to answer okay?
Pls voice out your views and be honest okay?

1. Would you mind if your wife is not a virgin anymore? Or you fool around with girls but still demand for a virgin wife?

Feeling sorry......

Damn you man, can you stop cursing your girl?
You swore to God that you would protect, respect and spend your life time with her.
You are not a man who keeps true to your words, you don't deserve my respect!

She has to bear with your disgraceful insults and your unpleasant curses for years but she still never leaves. Who and what do you think you are?
What's wrong with praising herself a little when she never gets a compliment from you? Do you have to rebuke her as if she were a dog? Why are you so harsh?

OMG I just can't believe my eyes! What I see hurts me!
OMG I just can't believe my ears! What I hear stabs my heart!

She is no longer robust, she is ill.
She can't take your nasty curses anymore.
Please give her a chance to live her life.
Please accept her for who she is although she is imperfect like everyone else in this world.
She can be ugly in your eyes but she is beautiful in the eyes of God. You don't have the right to criticize God's creation.
Recall those delightful memories that she has given you,
the hardships that you guys have gone through together.
She never complains; tribulations make her stronger.
She stands firm because of love.
But you?
How do you return her the love that you have received??

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx\


How could a life be without love?
How could a person be without heart?

Everything is just so disheartening!!!!

I don't own a heart:(
I seriously don't!
Even if I do, my heart does not beat.
Even if my heart does beat, it beats only once in a blue moon.
My surrounding makes me a person without heart... without love...
without feeling....
I am inhuman..

Old d :..(

7.12.2008

I m officially 18 years old now.
Thank you for all the birthday wishes!
I received tonnes of them....
Thanks....!

Special thanks to my darling for the time, present and cake....
Mwaahh....
And thank you my AI REN - Sze Lynn for calling me at 1am++ to wish me happy birthday.

Hope that I can get more freedom and fly a little high....
Hope that my parents will not control me in everything that I do....

Love lessons

People, read and learn:) Is the text too tiny?
Well, It's
Don't let someone become a priority in your life, when you are just an option in their life...
Relationships work best when they are balanced.

I found this really meaningful. I dedicate it to you - sze lynn.
What's the point setting a guy our top priority when we are just an option in his life? We will end up getting hurt.
It feels greater to have someone to love us than loving someone.


THINK ABOUT IT!

My new phone

Remember I said I wanted to get a new phone?
And today,
I got a very cool phone for RM ...... ! Secret..
The keypad is so nice to press.. hahaha...
:P

This! For RM99! hahaha....*sadness*

Haha, goodbye w910i and say hi to !@#$%^& phone! hehehe...
This is just a spare phone la... I will get a new one next year...
I don't know which model to purchase so ended up with this...
ehehe...
it's cool also okay??
So cool that it doesn't have camera, 3G, MP3.....
hehe...

Monotonous life

When I complain about my boring life, I mean it!

Went out to check out phones just now..
Ended up getting really confused and unsure about which model to purchase =.="
I want a wide screen and a good camera phone so that I can take nice pictures to show people how much I am in love with myself.

I love ....
Myself....
I trust in...
myself....


There's always a mature side of me...

The cheeky side of me...

And,
(Only allowed to look at my eyes)

the alienated side of me:P
hahahaha...

The fierce side of me

I am back to Sungai Petani..
I feel so bored over here..
I will be officially 18 on 7th December!! yeah!! Finally 18!!
Means I can make my own decisions in almost everything without having to ask for my parents' consent.
My parents control over my life... They intervene in whatever things that I do... I feel like a bird without freedom:( I can't fly although I wanna fly so much... They cut away my wings... It's feels like they are living MY life instead of I am living my life...

Upset and depressed~

WHY??

HOW?????

每次不开心，都没有人知道。。。
都收在心里。。
无人依靠。。
自己辛苦，自己不开心就好。。
不要让身边的人为我感到伤心。。
有时，有事收在心里是最好的。。
因为被人知道后，或许后果是不好的。。
有事，还是自己一个人吞下去。。
什么事都放在心上是最好的。。
多言必败。。！
说出来后，听者说出来的话，往往都是最伤人的。。
我还是，
把所有的不开心，失望，自己吞下。。自己解决。。
是时候学习独立了。。

No one knows how unhappy I can be at times,
because I keep everything in my heart....
There's no one for me to lean on...
Dismay and anxiety shall be kept in my heart and shall not influence the people around me....
It's better to keep things in your heart,
because things may go haywire when they are revealed.
I shall swallow every sadness and every disappointment.
Sometimes remarks from the listeners are the most hurtful remarks ever.
It's better,
to conceal every problem and settle them by myself.
It's time to learn to be independent.

w910i, my phone.
Good bye:(

Phone bought on 8.10.2008,
sold out on 28.11.2008.

Reason for selling:
1. The phone camera has no auto focus. Pictures taken are yellowish. I don't like it.

Need to get a new phone very soon..
Any recommendations?




I am dying of boredom.
My lover爱人- Sze Lynn has gone back to KL, left me alone in Penang..
How disheartening...
:( Faster come back okay? We use to see each other everyday, 1 day without you seems like 10 years... We still got lots to do together.. Especially eating... okay?
Have fun in KL...
hehe..
Mwaaahh... Miss you, ai ren...

Hmmm....
Thinking of which college to go @.@
Inti is in rural area, I don't like the location.
KDU? People say go there buy certificates only?
FINE FINE, if I can get a cert without having to attend classes and take exams, I will pay for it....
Anyone doing this business?

My English has downgraded by leaps and bounds.
The reason is because I don't read anymore.
I have forgotten everything that I had learnt.
I will try to improve before next semester starts:P
Must get high distinction for Academic English alright? ehehe...
Here I come....
muahahaha......

On holiday...
stress-free...
but darn bored la...
sigh....


**** Take note that I am not a lesbian okay? I am straight... lol....

Damn bored weih

I am done with my final exam..
Yeah...
Life is so boring...
Wake up in the afternoon everyday, think of what to do the next..
Nothing to do...
just keep on eating :P
Eating is what I do when I have something to do and when I don't have something to do....
I eat when I am hungry and when I am full.
haha...
Who can beat me?
I am so damn fat now..
I guess I seriously need to slim down or else no one will marry me...
haha...
So sien wei...
My darling didn't come find me today...
Miss him...

I am currently doing Moral slide shows for tomorrow's presentation...
Damn Moral.
Why do we have to take?
Won't the government just understand that we cannot be a better person by just studying Moral?? We only study for exam and never put into practice! IT'S A FRIVOLOUS SUBJECT.. WHAT A WASTE OF TIME..

I am dying of boredom..
People, please help me:(
please...
What to do?
I am going back to my hometown after 2 days..
My parents are gonna lock me in the house and never let me out.
I hate being locked..
Please come and free me.....
sigh.....

This is how I slept in the library during exam week.

And now,
exam is finally over...
I am so relieved.
What I can say is,
I did not put any effort for final exam.
In fact,
I did not even study for it.
Not even a modicum.

Who cares?
I hate studying!
I hate my life!
I wanna screw up my life..!
or perhaps,
I hate Disted College!!



My parents finally allow me to change college!
but I am still considering which college to go. hehe..
Any comments??

Life only comes around once make sure u spend it with the right person....Find a Guy .. who calls you beautiful instead of hot... Who calls you back when you hang up on him... Who will stay awake just to watch you sleep... Wait for the guy who ...kisses your forehead... Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats... Who holds your hand in front of his friends... Who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you... Who turns to his friends and says, ' That's her!! '


Is he the one??
The truth lies unknown.

Bluek...! I am damn frustrated.....
My tongue is so sharp....
Bluek :P
Jealous??
Don't be....

Final exam, I loathe you!!!
How many days left??
5 days....
It's actually 4 days!!!
The amount of books that I need to read??

Here!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mountain!!!!!

I have not started reading anything..
Is it possible to finish all in just 4 days?
Marketing,
Computing,
Business,
Accounting....
Then after that???
Stupid Moral.....
Argh.....

Fine, I give up on studies!
Goodbye....

Hey my wound my wound,
very cute wound....
And today, it became like this....
It's bleeding for god-knows-what reason...
Very painful, I can't even walk properly.....
It's cracking....
I swear I will hate motorbike for the rest of my whole life.
now this shit happened!!
Phobia!!!!
so ugly....
Nonono,
come on, let me console myself...
it's cute... right......??
hahaha....
Like your food - egg!!!
Bluekkk!!

I am back

Hey people, I am back.
My connection can finally work after 1 or 2 weeks of failure..
=.="
Who fixed it for me? I told my warren hours ago and now it is working.
I think he asked repair man to fix it for me... But I am not sure.... What??!!Means they came into my room without me in there? OMG...!!!
I wasn't in my room but my laptop was!!
=.=" My clothes were all around my bed.... argh!!

Final exam is coming soon!! next week.. hehe... and why the * did my connection have to work before my final exam? :(
How can I defeat the temptation not to use the Internet??
Haih.....
People, I am back...
Back with.....
with......
...................
People who hate me will jump in excite after seeing this!!
People who love me will collapse in agony on the floor.. :P
So,
do you love me or hate me??
...........
......................................
I am back with THIS......
ThiS ugly thing:( on my left leg.............
Blame the stupid bike....
Blame the stupid exhaust pipe....

Don't faint after seeing the next picture!!!!!!!
haha....
SO cute right??!! right??!!

Get ready, to
feel disgusted.....
Get ready, to count your blessing;
for not getting this shit to happen on you.
:P
cute thing.....hahahaha.......

Sorry if I scared your lungs out.. But it's okay to post up ugly pictures of myself sometimes right?? hehehe.... SORRY la.......

And......
THIS!!! After peeling the dead skin off~~~~ haahaha..........
Don't die.....
This is the last one, I promise!!!!
I find my wound cute, like an egg:P
Please think of this when you consume eggs:P

很忙。。。

最近真的很忙. Been busy recently,
很多很多东西要做，many things need to be done.
又要考试了。Exam is looming around the corner.
如果考不好，不及格，If I flunk my final,
父母不会放过我的。。my parents might kill me:(
可能也会因此不让我再去学院。probably stop me from attending college.
电话又用了很多。。Phone bill is damn high...
怎么办？？What to do??

我该忘的，都忘了。。I have forgotten about all the things that shouldn't be in my mind:)

有时我在想，Sometimes I wonder,
为什么我要弄到自己那么累，why do I have to make myself that tired,
为什么要让自己受伤害，why do I let myself get hurt,
为什么该做的不去做，该烦的不烦，why ain't I doing things that I am supposed to be doing?
反而去烦那些不必烦的。but feel troubled for what I don't need to care about.
我已经很累了。I am tired enough.
明明就能开开心心的过日子，I could live a happy carefree life,
为什么要给自己那么多压力？but why am I giving myself so much of pressure?

我要的幸福呢？

Good luck

I wish you guys luck,
really.
Dude, don't repeat the same mistakes again.
Treat her the best way you could ever treat a girl.
You have your life and I have mine.
I'm moving on.
:P
Good luck alright.
She has got what she wants for so long.
Hear it,
it doesn't make me a loser
coz leaving is a good turning point in my life:P


Good luck people....

Funny things.

This is what I saw in TOYS "R" US *laughing out loud*
This is hot = panas panas. hahahahahaha....
Come on, you can't just convert English to Malay that way:P
Mind your English, please.hahaha.......

~Things to do~

1. Take care of my ugly face(BIG SIGH, need to spend money again)
2. Get thin(Ha... Been saying this since 13 years old. I am 18 now)
3. Study for Final (Will i be able concentrate?I suffer from brain rust)
4. Go Gym and dance classes(My legs still hurt me)
5. Buy new shoes( I thought I should spend less?)
6. Spend less( Which is almost impossible)
7. Sleep less( I wonder if I could make it, people call me sleepy PIG)
8. Less online( Hey man, this is my daily routine)
9. Eat less( What the? Food is life. No food no life)
10. Learn how to say "NO"( Ummm, it's hard to say no to hang-outs. I get too bored and too playful at times)

hey, so bored okay? Why is my blog so dead?
Simple question.
Coz life's too mundane, nothing to blog about.wakaka....

Hectic single life

I skipped Marketing class again today:P
I slept at 2am so couldn't wake up in the morning:(
Sorry.
Class started at 2pm, I woke up at 2pm!!
My ponteng partner- Sze Lynn, also known as Sleeping Beauty planned not to go without me.
But I am good, I advised her
to go coz she attended only 1 day of classes last week. lol...






See, the picture tells you how much I hate studying...!!!
haha....

Single life is very hectic:P
but i enjoy it....
I was supposed to be out with G coz he promised to help to fix my laptop. But later, A asked me to skip class coz he wanted to come all the way from SP to fetch me out..
Then, M asked me out for a movie....
At last, A got angry coz a guy friend of mine called me... and we cancelled our plan. I cancelled my plan with G and M coz I planned to go to college.hehe...
Couldn't wake up at last... sob sob..
When I woke up, received smses..
Some other guy is booking my dinner time:)
He will drive all the way from Prai to Penang..

SINGLE LIFE IS SO GREAT. I WANNA BE SINGLE FOREVER!! HAHA..TOLD YOU, LIST IS ALWAYS FULL...
I promise I will make time for those who wanna meet me badly okay? but must book me first...

Love you all, people!

Wait wait,
Finals !!?? OMG.. it's next month...
I have totally forgotten about it.
How can I score?
well, I just wanna pass all subjects for this semester and try my best to get Distinction for the following semesters. Hopefully not crapping??
Assignments and projects??
I have not done any,
I don't know what to do...
Someone pls teach me alright??
I don't wanna skip classes that much 1 trust me..
I don't have transport to go...!!



"RAPID" Penang takes 2 hours to reach Gurney or Disted from Jelutong.
hahaha.. I can drive all the way back to SP, have a cup of tea, drive back to Penang!!! Man, they call it "rapid". Don't make me vomit on your face!!

Another boring day

Woke up at 2pm today.
Haha, luckily I am not home today:P
If not I would get an earful from my parents.
Now you know why I avoid meeting my parents?
Whatever I do is wrong in their eyes...
They are never satisfied with my achievement.
No matter how perfect I am,
it's still imperfect in their eyes.
They never compliment,
they only criticize.
They never sit me down and tell me about my mistakes,
they only punish and yell at me.
I always try to bring pride and glory to my family,
I try my best just to get their compliments...
but??
Well,
told you, they can never be satisfied.........
No matter how hard I try.....
I surrender.

"You are such a nuisance, our house is always tranquil without you. You cause so much of quarrels. We always quarrel because of you. Don't come back better."

See, tell me if you wouldn't get hurt hearing such despicable thing.
She loves me; but she prefers not to have me around.
My dad loves me, but he prefers to have a more obedient kid who wouldn't contradict. Or maybe, he prefers me to be mute?
But what can I do?? I was born to be talkative!!

You know it hurts me more than anything else to see the two of you quarrel because of me. It hurts to see a broken family.
So, I will always stay here and don't go back...
Alright? Don't quarrel.... I will not spend money like drinking water. Alright? Don't quarrel...
If jumping down from this building eases your burden the most,
let me know.


I can't blame them because they were not brought up the right way.....
Just, avoid them because I love em'.


Hehe, I am supposed to be sleeping :P but ended up blogging...
Online since 2pm till now:P
Going out with friends tonight....
Being single is great:P
List is always full....haha...

Going off luu~
Need to rest~
Don't miss me ya...
I will get back soon...
hahaha


8.27pm 18.10.2008

Aloo Aloo

Look at my cheeky face :P Tell me it's cool!! PLZ!!!!

My parents are the most terrifying human beings on earth. You know what? They checked out my previous phone bills, which were paid by "him" and they jotted down his home address and guess what? They went over to his house to have a look but didn't go inside. Then they called me and complained about stuffs.

And they asked: Are you sure you wanna go in there?" It looks like it's gonna collapse anytime. Come on, be good. Don't get him to spend a cent on you. Or else dad will kill you.
I replied: Nah, who wants to go in there? OMG, I wouldn't want. So shabby. Come on la, I don't contact him anymore. Believe me okay?
Mom said: * blah blah blah* whole lots of shit.. *nag nag nag*
I shouted: *blah blah blah*
(sorry, can't reveal the conversation that much)

Wow, see, they are so brilliant you know! They are over-protective and over-acting!!
I am thinking of deleting all the relationship entries. I am afraid that one day they will read my blog and find out that I actually dated this guy. Then, my life will be miserable. OMG. Meeting a ghost is better than meeting my parents. SCARY. So I decided not to go back to my hometown this week:) and if possible, next week too:P
They are soooo impressively SCARY...
I don't wanna face them. They will nag me until I commit suicide:(
OMG, my phone bill!! I am using postpaid. Phone bill will be sent to my house...!!OMG...OMG... I guarantee the amount that I need to pay is over RM100.
I will either get slashed or massacred.
Don't miss me when I die alright?
Haha, but I know you will miss me:)
It's so weird.
My parents don't allow their 20year-old and 18year-old daughters to date. Don't they remember our age?? Come on... Narrow-minded creations, I love you guys so much. I always want to listen to your words. But, what's wrong with dating? I don't do shit. I'm still a virgin! I only get hurt and gain experience to improve myself. I want to be the BEST HOUSEWIFE ON EARTH in the future:P
Daddy mummy,
tell me what's wrong with getting hurt or gaining experience to improve myself?? Don't you people wanna see a better me??

I am doing great in Penang:) ~I love my life~
~Life without him is so much better
~I always skip classes
~I wonder what will happen if my parents know about my dirty little secrets?? If they do, I won't be blogging anymore:( Coz I will be dead:P so dead....
Went to Celebrity Fitness for Hip Hop Dance Class :) Enjoy our pics.... She is Szelynn- kaki ponteng. hehe. MY PARTNER:)


What is she doing behind me?? huh??

Enjoy yourself~

Habit

* picture deleted by author*

Having you around me is nothing more than just a habit that I seriously need to get rid of.
It'll be out of my mind sooner or later.
I am strong; but I need reassurance and encouragement.
I need to be brave enough to accept the reality.
Losing you is a good turning point of my life!
It's not the end of the world.
Everything happens for a reason.
There are more good things coming my way like a waterfall.

He has got another girl to accompany him so he doesn't need me.
Why am I trying my best to salvage this broken relationship?
Why am I saying sorry to a person who cheated me for uncountable times? Yet, can't forgive my only sin.
Why the hell did I forgive him when he lied to me??
Why did I give him a chance to change when I found out that he had not cleared his previous relationship when he was with me??
I wouldn't give him a chance to change himself if I knew that I would not be given a chance to change just A mistake.
Just a mistake, "one" mistake!
And now, after breaking up with me, he straight away called up his previous girl friend and chatted for bloodly God-knows how long. Every second, every minute, every hour, every night.
See, he can't live without girl friends.
No this girl , want that girl straight away; no that girl , want this girl straight away.
He completely ignores me right now.
Why am I making myself a downright loser when I am a winner??
If you think I am bad for posting this in my blog, please rethink
This is my blog and I have the right to write what I feel and think.
Don't think he is god-damn-hell good when he actually sucks.
Get me? Listen to the both of us, don't be biased.

I know I did something wrong, but he did heaps of shits(lies lies lies lies) and yet I forgave him all and never wrote in my blog. See,
being kind and forgivable don't get rewarded but get shit sprinkled all over my face. Pitifully, I smell like shit now:( I dare you to kiss me now!

And this VERY LAST time, my heart will no longer be soft. Coz I was not given a chance to change. I feel damn unfair.
Life sucks coz it's always unfair.

It's okay,
at least,
I have seen your true colours,
your real self.
That's why I said,
it's great to leave.
Thank you.


Why am I wasting my time and effort on such a lame thing?
Say "NO" to wastage.
Say "NO" to reluctance.
Say "No More" to this relationship and
"No More" to lies.

Thanks for the memory,
I was happy when I was with you.
Thanks for the love and care that you gave to me.
Thanks for all the things that you gave and all the time you spent.
They will always be in my mind,
And now,
you don't even wanna be friends.
Fine,
as you like.
Coz I don't need you to survive.

I'm FINE without you.
I'm stronger without you.

So people,
just demoralize him right now and compliment me:)
So happy, I don't have to live in lies anymore.

Come on,
I AM NOT SLANDERING I AM JUST GOSSIPING!
Please check the dictionary for the difference between these 2 words.
or maybe, you need me to show you?

1. Slandering:to make a false spoken statement about somebody that is intended to damage the good opinion that people have in them
2. Gossip:talk about people's private lives,often in an unkind way.

So, can see the difference already? I am not faking anything out just to make you hate him, I am only speaking the bad side of him in a true but unkind way.

你晓得了吗？

你们看，可爱吗？
这是他拿给我的。哈哈。
他说：有一样东西我觉得很可爱要给你，但是不知道你喜不喜欢。我觉得你应该是不喜欢的拉。嘻嘻。。
~我看到时我笑。原因不是它难看。是笑你可爱~
我说：那么难看的，哈哈哈哈，我要拿給我朋友看！！！
他就说：我跟你说，我没说过很可爱咯！下我面子你最厉害的啦！我跟你说你不要给人看！
我说：哈哈那么可爱，当然要给朋友看。哈哈。
那时，气死你了。哈哈。。
过后你就叫我丢掉。。
我不要丢，因为它，让我觉得你很可爱；让我更爱你。
我就马上把它收在书包带回家。。
其实，我是要给朋友看你对我好，你的可爱。。
不是要踩你，知道吗？
我喜欢它，因为是你给的！！我珍惜！！


我跟你在一起真的很开心。
这是我不会后悔的。。
你让我，学会了很多。
谢谢你。。

刚才气了你，让你骂我，
因为这样我才会恨你，
我想快快把你忘记。。。
因为你已走了。。
我真的很希望你能够在我身边陪着我。
但，
自己错了，
谁都不能怪。。
很气你没经过我的同意cut掉我电话的line，
很气~
听到店的人说我还没十八岁不能伸请main line，
就更气~
每个人笑我小妹妹！！！
如果我们还在一起，
老公也会笑我的。。
嘻嘻。。
我们都喜欢笑来笑去。。
有时，还会说要去跟你打架。。
还说你一定会输我的。
哈哈。。因为你会让我。。。
想回，真的很开心很甜蜜。。

没得用电话真的很辛苦。。。
很多东西想对你说，
但我知道你都不会回应。。
都怪自己傻，
拿得起放不下。。。
为什么？好好的。。
会这样。。。
为什么，要这样？
都说改了。。。为什么我可以原谅你骗我多过五十次，
而我，就这么一次
就再见了。。
为什么你不再爱。。。

你已经远远离开。。。
我根本不想分开。。
为什么一离开就找她。。
打给她那么多天那么多小时。。。。
为什么之前为了她骗我。。
为什么之后为了她来骂我？
为什么之前说因有我的存在而选择离开她？
为什么到最后又离开我？
爱，难道真的那么经不起考验？
难道就不再信？

我还能用微笑来带过？
我会学着放弃你，只因为我太爱你。。

Everything happens for a reason.

When an emotional injury takes place,
the body begins a process,
as natural as
the healing of a physical wound.

Let the process happen,
trust the nature
will do the healing

Know that the pain will pass,
and, when it passes,
you'll be stronger,
happier, more sensitive and aware.

~chicken soup~

I learn that I really can endure, I am really strong;
and I really do worth...
and I learn and I learn,
with every goodbye I learn.

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience by which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself:" I lived through this horror, I can take the next thing that comes along. XD

So people,
don't be too sad about what you have lost in your life; you can't make everyone in the world to love you or approve you. It's okay to make mistakes. Mistakes help you to grow too:)
Who will learn how to walk if he has never fallen down?
right??
Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
No matter what, loving yourself heals anything. XD

Say no to "reluctance"..

I'm single and available.

Single life can be interesting and cool too.
The sad thing is, I don't really have close friends to hang out with.
I don't have close female friends. All of them are busy with their relationships.
All those guys who come to know me, we just end up being enemies after rejection or break-up. Sigh. I rather have close friends than having a relationship that is gonna hurt me or bringing me no where but hell.
What's the matter??

I always feel empty.
Emptiness occupies my whole heart.
I need to be loved in order to survive.
Who will love me for who I am??
:P
Hunting for my dream guy.
I have a fragile heart,
I can't get hurt no more.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Final exam is coming soon,
you wouldn't want to know how much I pay for this course,
you wouldn't wanna hear me complain about my failure.
RIGHT? hehe..
So I have to drag my ass to start studying and less crapping.
OMG OMG, courses in Polytechnique(POLIMAS) are so cheap:)
diploma courses for RM800 more or less?? My phone worth more than a 3 years course!! How could it be?? Why am I paying so much to fail in a private college? hehe. If I planned to fail i should have gone to POLIMAS. RM800++, who cares about the amount??
OMG OMG..
STUDY STUDY...!!!

What's past is past, do not ever regret for what you have done. Look forward, there are more to come.
Good luck, people:)
Good luck, Catherine

12.10.2008
5.44pm

女人总是口是心非。
What women say is always different from what is in their hearts.
You can hardly understand them....
Do you agree?
I am always saying things that I don't actually mean.
I am always putting myself into pain.
I always find fault with other people and get hurt in return.

hey, people I am back in English.

For those people who are searching for life lesson,
view those chinese posts below. They'll help. Maybe not much but still they do.

It's temper again, temper!
Temper makes me lose many things in my life.
Temper makes me lose my mind and say things that are too-over.
Temper, again...
I regret for not treasuring the things around me,
it's too late to mend,
but I will not live in resentment because I'm always trying my best.
Sadly, no chance is given by any parties.
I am always generous enough to give people a chance to start their lives all over again.
I always choose to believe and trust because I personally think that people are able to change. If no chance is given to them, they might end up getting too depressed to start all over again.
Don't you want to see a person change and emerge as a better person for the world's sake? or you rather let him rot?

We need TRUST to continue our life time journey,we need TRUST to love and to forgive.

From today onwards, I shall say GOODBYE to f*ck,cibai,bastard and mother fucker. I shall say goodbye to all vulgar words. They are bringing me nowhere but hell.
Why do I have to lie to myself that I hate someone when I truly love?
Why do I have to scold someone harshly just to make myself forget him when I actually love him??

请认真想想。。。

This is from RuiLynn's blog: http://ruilynn91.blogspot.com/

命中注定我爱你

“你难道不能原谅他吗？在一起那麽久了，难道你没有范错过吗？”

“嗯...有。我方他12次的鸽子”

“哇..鸽王。那你放他鸽子他怎样啊？”

“他会念一念但过了几分钟他.....都原谅我”

“你看，他都原谅你12次了。难道你一次都不能原谅他吗？我觉得啊，他是对你真心的，你应该相信他，就原谅他吧”

“可是一切都已经太迟了。”

“你怎知道迟啊？你又没有试一试。机会啊，就像小偷，来的时候没有人知道。走的时候就发现到它但一切都已经过去了，那时才知道损失那么重大啊！”

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


其实老实说，既然有缘相遇，相识，相爱，就要懂得珍惜现在所拥有的。
想一想啊，为何要爱如果不认识对方？爱情的后头不是要在一起，结婚吗？
难道你要当起一端没头没尾，没有承诺，没有责任的恋情里？
说的没错，我的想法确实是比现在的人还土得多.但要我付出那么多结局却是一场空还要掉那么多的眼泪,心也“霹哩啪啷”的悴成粉沫－我不要！

舍不得放下

有男女朋友的,请读.对不起,说到爱,还是喜欢用华文.因为有感觉...
我很努力写华文..因为我喜欢它带给我的回忆...
SORRY, only some posts will be in Chinese. Those who can't read, be patient. English ones will be up:)

不想让你走。
因为我们都成经很爱过。
因为我们都习惯爱...
因为我们都习惯有对方的生活...
真的就要因为不能原谅而放弃这段你我都很珍惜的感情？

有很多事，我都不能跟你说；说了你也听不进去了。
做错，每个人都会，不是吗？
有时，会很错。。有时,是小事..
但，知错了才能改。。
跌倒了再爬起..再学习..

很多时候，为些小事就吵;但是都因为爱,而又再次相信,再次原谅.
很多时候, 我想的都不是你想的那么复杂.我也许就是你说的那个还小还不成熟的女生.
很多时候,你都会误会我的意思..我也不花时间想你解释.因为都会很气.
有时很想好好说,好好聊,知道你做工很累,很想多陪你,很想让你开心.
但是,都会吵架...
知道你一淋雨就会生病,又不能在你旁边陪着你.叫你买车,下雨时可以驾车去,不必淋雨..
但是,你都会觉得我是为了我自己.
或是,觉得我很假...
有时,你问我,没有你会怎样,我说,我不能没有你,你不信.
我也没花时间去解释(那是我的遗憾).
只希望,自己能够证明到我对你的爱.
很想让你开心给你惊喜,给你知道我不是什么都为了我..但是换来的也是惊喜(另一种惊喜)..

问题在哪里?

朋友,
有些时候,爱到累了,
不妨两个人好好坐下来,谈谈怎么去补救.
对方喜欢什么不喜欢什么.了解下情况.
为什么有在一起的机会却不好好看看,好好珍惜?
为什么不包容不忍耐不等待?
为什么就因一时的气,而失去一样你爱的东西?
值得吗?为什么都不赏试去接纳? 或许后果会是好的呢?
不敢试就永远的完了=遗憾的人生.
为什么在一起还要有骗话?
坦白,是最好的.
虽然有时坦白会让你失去很多.. 但,对得起自己...


~红色highlight的,是在爱里常出现的字~
好好想想吧...

conversation with E....

Chatted with E just now~On MSN...

E:pong pong cat
Cat:hi
E:^^
E: u ah
Cat:嗨你好
E:我不好
Cat:为什么
E:为什么写华语
E:不习惯
Catherine:因为我华文不好
Elson:你是洋女
Cat:哈哈
E:a mo cha bo (westernized girl)
E:pang a mo sai (shit western shit)
E:chia a mo chia (eat western food)
Cat:哈哈,我以前只跟一个男友说华语的
E:who?
Cat:刚分的这个咯.....
Cat:为了他会华语了.
E:u still sad?
Cat:因为它不会英文
E:i teach u nvm,but you must pay me money.
Cat:........你说呢？不伤心？就是我是洋的他是华人的。才那么误会咯。。。。。 （说了很多）
E:如果真心相爱， 不代表你会了解爱，真正爱一个人是要牺牲很多东西的，往往所牺牲的不是看得到，听得到的。
E:所经历的也不是我们猜想得到的
Cat:牺牲what o?
E:忍耐 ， 迁就
E:难得在一起 ， 要学会珍惜
Cat:But I am too过分。。
E:any pilihan also u choose ur self
E:i will always support u
Cat: Thank you!
E:人会有感觉是因为与某样事与人才产生的
E:往往有些事会让你不知所措
Cat:他会很快忘记我吗?
E:这是一个借口 ， 你要改
Cat: 我说过我要改了,他说我很假.


之后的不能说了。lazy wanna continue.....
Thank you for teaching me how to love.
谢谢你花时间跟我解释那么多。你女朋友一定很辛福。
祝福你们到永远。

Beyond redemption

I made the biggest mistake in my life.
It's beyond redemption.
Please listen to me,
I just want to say:
SORRY
真的很对不起。
一切已经来得太迟了。
我的脾气太差了。
很多时候都是脾气害我失去很多很多东西。
有时心并不是那样想，但一有脾气，一切都完了。
但，一切都来得太迟。。。
错都已经错去了，知错能改才是对的。
但真的很想你知道，我平时说英文都是那样的。
见到朋友都是" hey what the fuck are you doing?"
or "hey what the fuck man, why are you here?"
讲英文时真的很粗。
为你从抄的，你都不看了。五小时，写华文。好难。
你说我很假。。。
我无话可说。
我并不假，是太臭脾气，太不会想。。
我知错了。
但是我真的没有想过后果。
我六号时知道错了，已经洗了。。
但，忘了把我洗的存下。
好笨好笨。。
自己错的，还能怪谁呢？
希望有一天你会原谅我这样写。。
真的很可惜。。
我对你没有半点假意。。
只想你知道。
我错了我自己会改。
那是五号。。。。我说改时是六号。。
我一时傻忘了存起来。。
sorry!
接下来要好好过，
我祝福你。。
跟你在一起，我们都了解彼此的心。
我对你真假你最清楚.
只是我们都错了。
我错。
我很错。
你错。。。
你的错。。让我错。我不怪任何人。
就算你不信，我都会改掉我的脾气。。
我会的我做得到。
对不起！
结束不是因不适合,是因为一个错,
不应该错的错.
但,知错能改,
是对的.
对不起
不要生气了。 我真的不是在说他们什么。
是，那是英文啊。我怎么跟你解释？
很多朋友一见面都说：“fuck you,catherine"而我就说：“go fuck your mother or father"然后一起笑。。你怎样都不信我了。但是你要知道我那样说不是你想的那个意思！你没说英文的习惯。。我怎么解，你都不会信了。
在一起时，你叫过你前任wait你跟我分。然后跟她在一起的。现在很开心了吧。
那么想我们分的人，你也不会生气她之前怎么说你怎么弄我恨你。而我没心的你伤到你你却那么气我。

全部人不懂你之前说过什么做过什么。 我也不会说。
我错的我说。因为我知道我会改的。我认：）

华语能够带出那种感觉。。。因为只有跟他是写华语的：)
所以今天选择写华语。。
那些不会看的，对不起咯。

Sorry for those who can't read chinese. But I promise this is the only chinese post. I find it hard to type too:P
but yeah, I can write many languages:)

Love hurts

Some of my friends complain for not having a partner...
They claim that they feel empty and bored at times...
Come on, love is not as fun as you think...
When you can't love, you will hurt someone.
When you fail to love, you will hurt someone.
When your partner fails to be loyal to you, you will get hurt.
When your partner can't give you what you want, you will pull off the plug and go on with your life. It hurts your partner deeply.. It hurts you even more to see your partner cry. Coz you were once in love with him/her.
Now tell me,
what's so interesting about dating?
Everyone gets hurt damn bad.
Some feel too tired to love again.
Some people commit suicide when their partners break up with them.
Some people can never go on with their lives,
they live in resentment and distress.
Tell me,
why do you ever want to love and be loved when you know that the love is going to hurt you.

~The one whom you love the most hurts you the most~

Love is important in everyone's life.
Human beings just can't live without love.
But what's the point if the love that you are chasing after stabs your heart and leaves a scar on it.
Scars make you tired,
scars make you hard to believe again,
scars make you lose your confidence,
scars make you treat your new partner badly because you think that he/she will hurt you. So you hurt her/him before he/she hurts you.
You want the feeling of love or being loved, but sometimes things don't work the way you want them to.

Why are you chasing after a love that wouldn't last?
Why are you? Why?
You wouldn't want to get hurt....
You wouldn't ...
Pain of separation is too hurtful to bear...

A love that lasts is what everyone needs.
Where can I find love that's unceasing?
Who will love me for who I am?
Who will love me wholeheartedly and never hurt me?
Who to understand me?

God, you are all that I need.
I need to get back to you.
Your love is the only love that makes me feel joyful.
Your love fills the emptiness in my heart.
Your love makes me a wonderful human being.
Your love makes me love the people around me for who they are.
Your love.....is wondrous.
I feel relieved when you say you love me for who I am not what I have.
Pls hold me back into your arms...
I need your love..
Ever-lasting love.......

Friends are wonderful.

Moral studies class sucks, sleeping rocks:) Yeahhh.... haha. That's sleeping beauty- Sze Lynn.
See, what a wastage. Many people in the world don't get to eat! How dare you waste food!
Emo..haha..So ghostly fair..
My long-straight-flat hair.


It's impossible to break up with a friend bit it's 100% possible to break up with your partners.
Friends are wonderful because they are always there,
they are there for who you are:D
When you are happy, sad or disappointed.
They are there to share your pain and joy:)
And I am lucky to know this beauty- Sze Lynn.
Without her, my college life would be tedious.


So everyone, go give your best friends a kiss:)

Officially goodbye

I dont wanna start this again, no more.
Goodbye.
Too late to mend
Thanks for being there for me, friends! I love you guys!

~sleepless night~

2 tests today, one of them is final. and yeah, I slept only 3 hours. not because of nervousness but yeah... something:) yeah. so
you know I am not feeling well?
:P
So come on let's fuck!

We hate because we once loved.
Am I right, people?

=.="

Manager! haha. Look at his teeth... !! consequence of stealing my secret recipe cake!!hahaha
The 3 of us. Now left only the center one. The left and right(me) have quit.


Sorry for fooling around with you,manager!! but you liked it ....hahahaa....ew..

I'm currently looking for a part-time job, hopefully I can get one soon. I want to shop my ass out without having to consider the price:P .It's gonna be December and New Year is just around the corner:( I need to shop!!!
I am only interested in working for roadshows or events. Job opportunity is scarce in Penang.. sob sob.. it's all in KL..
And when I say I want to work, it means that my job has to pay me high:D Coz I believe in my own ability.

~I AM ABLE~
I miss my ex work place - Elianto.
There is where I gained weight!!
I had to put on make-up everyday
Gradually disfigured by foundation and eye shadow:(
and I didn't like to wear the green trousers everyday. They made me look fatter than anyone else in the world!!!
So I decided to quit....

Imagine, KFC and Mcdonalds are just right behind you:P
Who can defeat the temptation?
I took fries everyday...
haha...
and take a look at my manager..
look at his size and you will know how desperate he was to change all of his beauty consultants to be like him.. haha
so that he would not be called "si tuo pui"(fatty)

I was the Top sales girl for the first month:)
I worked for only 4 months and then sat at home and rot.
The other workers and manager treated me as if I were a little girl=.="
probably because they are so much older than I...
Enjoy the pictures above....